The Emotional Connect....

In life, we come across some very interesting people all the time. With some we simply get connected and with some it takes a while and with some it just doesn't happen however we try our best. So what is it about this connections, it is the emotional connection that am talking about. This emotional connect is important for any relationship to flourish in the truest sense, where there is a sense of belonging without any encroachment of sorts, but yes its not necessary that we have to have an emotional connect with all the people we meet. With few we simply have it,  when there is openness and acceptance of the person as it is. not being judge- mental about it. There's a lot of sharing that happens, and its a two way process. Its mutual from both ends, being open, being vulnerable and trusting the person not to hurt you emotionally. A few minutes back while having a conversation with a dear friend of mine...she said " my life would be incomplete without you...if some day you decide to walk away I will be left devastated". To mean so much in some one's life is good enough reason to live. Tears welled up and I could only mutter..." I will be there for You" . Its bond like these that makes the relationships so special. They are like pearls, to be treasured in the heart.

The Garden!

So how does an emotional connect happen, it's when we believe in the relationship we share, be it friendship, be it love, be it with a spouse, be it a with a child etc. And Most of the times, we don't have to do anything extra, just being oneself and allowing the other person the way he / she is. There's is a beautiful understanding that has already taken place, one doesn't even have to say or do...its usually felt. One has a sense of things the way they are around. Some time ago, I had met a lovely old couple. We clicked instantly, as if we knew each other for a long time. The ease , the comfort that we felt while conversing, was so beautiful. Uncle spoke about his love of gardening, and I could sense a man who is caring in his nature, not just to the plants, but with the  people around him. He is taking care of the minutest things for his family and his garden. The warmth that we felt while sharing our lives, was absolutely beautiful. What was it that bonded us so well, the first time we met, the answer for this can only be felt and not told explicitly . Guess connections like these are made by God.

And there are some that we meet, it's a different kind of a relationship, something is amiss . We can't figure out what is it that is keeping the person from opening up. There can be a great camaraderie but sometimes there isn't any openness, people rarely let their vulnerability out. The deep pain, the anguish, the ridicule, the hurt is what they cant share. Few years back, while meeting a friend. I realized he was always on guard of his emotions. I kept wondering, he knew everything about me, but I knew so little about him. Somehow he always avoided any  personal question put across. I wondered what was stopping such a wonderful person, in sharing his life. While entering his house that day, I saw an empty toddler swing hanging in his doorway. My heart skipped a beat, I knew it at that  moment. He very briefly mentioned about his impending divorce and the kids were with their mother. Sometimes its not necessary to know everything, Its simply understood as the things stand by. Its moments like this, when silence speaks for itself. I still don't know the reason and don't want to know the reason, unless one fine day he decides to share his journey. And for the same reason, the emotional connect didn't happen with this friend... I wished it had...But its not necessary so........Only time will tell.....

Some deep connections do happen, the emotional connect remains intact. For the rest, it will happen when the time comes and it isn't necessary..cause there is beauty still in the unknown.

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IPL...The Irony of Cricket!

Could we have wished, that we never had this IPL....I doubt..the amount of investment it has brought, jobs that it has made available and players it has made rich. So its going to stay for a long time, even Sri lanka has come up with their own SPL. Way to go! The Test Matches, seems to have faded out and the One Day...well....still holding on!...Test matches have their own beauty....a five day match, you could know exactly which player plays the best, and in tough conditions. And it cant get more thrilling than the One Day matches. The winning of the One day world cup, was just amazing,,,,nothing can beat that  adrenaline rush!...So what is with the IPL. An interesting Concept!...the T20 game, but somehow the feeling is amiss.. Everyday there are issues of some kind going on with these matches, be it the players fitness, the betting, the fees the player demand. Cricket has become the new money making game, its ironical that some players are still playing even while they are injured. What is it that has happened to this game, once known as the Gentleman's game. Its sad, but nevertheless the fact is as it is. 

Though there are still some exceptional players around, and its simply worthwhile watching these players. Sachin still has the grace and class in his batting, he has an amazing finesse in whatever he does. When you see him bat, its a real treat! . There's so much to learn from him. He has the humbleness, and so grounded all the time. Would have loved it, if he could brush up a little with his speaking skill, but nevertheless...a true legend, truly loved by millions around the world.

Similar is the case for Shane warne, he still has the magic left in him. I remember during an earlier India Australia Match,  Just before bowling, he was talking to the then captain Ricky Ponting . And he knew exactly, that he is going to take the wicket when he bowls next. That's what he did...it was like watching a magic happen in front of the eyes. 

This bring me to one of my favorite batsman of all time. Sir Viv  Richards, he had an aura around himself. Never found anyone who had such confidence. The moment he used to walk on the ground to bat, I could feel the pride as did the rest who watched him play. He was a craftsmen to the core, and I vividly remember he always used to have smile intact on his face. He could play any shot, in any situation, even when he used to get out on duck, he still had the smile. He really enjoyed the game, never showed the pressure either on his face or on his batting. There were others who followed suit, like Gordon grenidge, Alan border, steve waugh,  malcolm marshal, micheal  holding,  our very own sunil gavaskar, kapil dev etc..to name a few. It was as if they are playing for their country, now the stakes are high. The betting has reached new heights. So its easier to throw a wicket than winning the game for the country, when the money is at stake. The game is played for personal reasons than for the Nation. 

What was it then , that was so great that time. The charm seems to be gone, its all about money now. Look at Gambhir now...played all  the IPL matches with an injured shoulder. Now when it was time to captain for his country on the west indies tour, he decided to complain. Such is the way. Too much cricket, too much money, is doing harm to the attitude of players. Its important to score well and win, but where is the class in batting, in bowling. And losing is not an option anymore, one has to perform all the time. And even worse is the fact, that either one does perform or not, the money still goes in the account...So a very careless attitude seems to have developed. But where  is the sportsmanship. Would we ever see the likes of Warne, Bedi...I doubt..the Passion is missing.....cause now its all about Money , honey!

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The Woman in Us!

Women, do they ever take a break for themselves,  do something that they are fond of, go all for the things that they are passionate about. Does she relax and sip a glass of wine, pamper herself,  read a book, enjoy herself when she wants to. Go to a spa, have a Day's out with her friends,  Yes , A lot women around the world do enjoy their lives, but there are millions around who don't follow their dreams, their passions, they just leave it . 

Especially the ones who give up their dreams for the sake of their family. That's good too, if that is what they want from life. But dreams gone like this, what happens within the inside walls of their lives. Some are too lonely to share anything, they are simply mute. Some just get themselves busy in their housework, with their jobs, so they don't have time to think about their dreams. Some just blame it on their lives, on the games their lives played on them. Forgoing all their dreams. They get so busy with the nitty-gritty of their life, they have no time for themselves. When is the last time did they really felt happy just being themselves, felt having a good time. Just loving themselves for who they are. I doubt very few women would say "yes". so what is it that stops these beautiful souls for aspiring what they dream about, what they want, what makes them happy, what they are passionate about.

Does their happiness depends on others approval.  Yes, it does for a lot of women. The lines on their forehead tell...they are overwhelmed, most of the time. Its time like these, where they want to be hugged and cared for,  to be pampered by their husbands, to be understood by their family members. That they too have feelings, the feelings wants to be expressed and reciprocated. The fear of rejection  is something that deters them even to share what they genuinely feel. Its not about what they feel, the dreams gets lost in their busy worlds. 

Being a Woman, is the most wonderful thing in life. The tenderness, the love, the giving in her is paramount. We just need to love this woman in ourselves, know what is it that makes us happy, make us alive. Be the person we want to be, express ourselves with compassion , in a way that people around understand us.  If that means saying it loud and clear, then we got to say it for the sake of the Woman in Us.! And you will notice, your life is different, beautiful and you are responsible for it..though it took a while to understand it.

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The Choices that we Make!

There is a purpose for everything that happens in our lives. Its like a learning graph, sometimes when things are going great there is an upward trend and when things don't look good....its a downward spiral. The choices that we make, pertaining to that moment, to the circumstances, to the future that we look ahead. Most of them lead us to the path that we desire to go on and some just take a U turn. 

Our journey leads us to so many junctions in our lives, when we have to make a choice..its like being on the crossroad of life. Hoping that the road that we choose will lead us to the destination that we want to reach. It is at that moment, whatever we believe in, our willingness to take the risk, the trust we have in the choice we make, decides what the next moment will bring us. Though the expectation is always there, that what we assumed, will happen, is what we will get. It is in that notion that we make the choice. Some choices are simple and very clear. Some choices lead us to our goals. Some choices are made for others to feel happy and some choices are made for others, but deep down its a known fact that the choice made is for their own good as well. Some choices are very luring, quite tempting and they can actually lead us to a place where we would in our senses wouldn't want to be. But then we do make them and its something like momentary lapse, to feel good about our life. Sometimes it only takes a day, a hour, or a moment for us to realize that our choice ripped our life apart, But sometimes, that's only the start. A start to witness a life, that one could never imagine it could ever happen. Its like being a witness to something so unexpected, that one actually asks oneself "this cant be happening, this is so unreal". The fact is that , we are simply enacting a part.

People go through so much in life, the decisions are bounding for life. For some its a struggle since long, for some everyday is tough , for some getting up from the bed is an issue, for some survival is an issue.  Everyday countless choices have to be made, some are easier said than done...But still one has to make a choice. There are no right or wrong choices, its simply a choice that one makes. The consequences can differ, but ultimately we have to know that we are responsible for the choices  that we make. Its in time like this , that the choices we make decide whats going to be in store. Every decisions leads us somewhere, as it is rightly said..." when we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand or we will be taught to fly". I have been gifted the choice to fly.  

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The City that was........

This is not the place as it used to be. My city once upon a time was really beautiful. There was a quaintness of some kind, something that cant be described..A fast moving city, with people eagerly waiting to finish their job and catch the 6pm local to reach home. They still do, but this city has changed a lot in many ways. I remember, while we used to wait for our school bus, there were few people we used to meet and there used to be always a time to say a Hi or a Hello, even inquire about what is happening, what interests do we have. And sometimes just a smile, or waving of the hand, is enough to show...that we did cross their mind. I remember even my family doctor, used to wave at us while he used to drive back home, such were the relations.

Even the rainfall seemed different, guess life was different then, the innocence of a child, a window through which we saw the world around us. Rains are still the same, still feel good when it rains...the childhood memories are just different.....moving around with friends..crossing the azaad maidan , the quintessential place of the cricket playing lovers, which looked awesome in the rains, the beauty still etched in the mind as if I visited it yesterday...getting fully drenched and then going to the movie hall and feeling extremely cold. I rarely see anyone doing this anymore, its a mad rush to reach somewhere important and not enjoying the moment that is present in the now. The increasing population has given rise to the ever increasing real estate, which now is responsible for changing Bombay's skyline...it doesn't even remind me of what Bombay used to be earlier simple, elegant...having a beauty in it own way.

The entire city has changed....I remember the irani restaurants, where we used to get the famous bun maska with chai.....the ambiance of it all, the chairs, the red checks table cloth used to make this simple eatery joint so special..it had a laid back feel to it. But there are only few left in the city.This now little known eatery seems to be fading out, with the advent of the fast food joint..the Macdonald and The dominoes. It was so much fun to grab a quick bite of this bun maska and get off to work! 

Todays Bombay, though fast paced, giving opportunities for everyone who wants to make his/her life, dreams are all possible here. But the city has lost its charm. All we can see are these high rise buildings, innumerable flyovers. Which has made our lives easier, but this has come with a cost. There is no concern for commuters, there are no pavements to walk by. You are be lucky, if you are not hit while walking or tripped by falling into one of our famous potholes, and they are not just on the pavement, they are everywhere. Its only here we are witness to two contrasting world existing together. On one side you have high rise buildings and besides it the ever increasing slums. Its total chaos everywhere, I rarely see any view, that is worth looking at. Too much at stake, the population is out of control...the trains, the buses are too crowded. The metro work is going on...wonder when it would be completed, It will one day. This city has lost its sync. So fast paced, it has no time for anyone anymore, so materialistic. 

The Bombay which I knew.....ever welcoming , just this time...no one is taking care anymore...no one is bothered how the city is moving. And yes..I prefer calling it Bombay as it reminds me of those Good old days, the good old charm....and mumbai doesnt even take me anywhere near to that warmness I had felt then. 

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This is My Gift!

Its one of those days, when you sit back and wonder about the things happening with you. And yes, right now am feeling a bit relieved and a bit uneasy. How long a wait is long enough? that's the question. Everything happens for a reason, and there is no choice but to be strong. Its been nearly 5 months now, nursing a fracture. And honestly, though its not been easy, but somehow...I think I am managing well. Some times , it takes longer to heal, but am OK..as long as its healing. However things are at the moment, I am filled with gratitude. My parents, have been the biggest support and they still are. When I look at them, it makes me want to get better soon. A thought does come, at this age...I had to put them through all this..guess it was in the destiny. We are there together and that's what makes me happy. My mom is like the rock of Gibraltar, a very determined, energetic and courageous person. I get my strength from her. For her, I wish to get better soon. And yes there are few people without whom this phase that am going through wouldn't be complete, Every person in my family, especially my nieces n nephews, their unconditional love, has been motivating. Simply not motivating, but its been fun.. I remember just last month, while I was resting my leg(with the plaster) on the floor, my nephew of 2 yrs, used my leg as a slide to slide down. It was funny,  wish I could have filmed it. In all this he made laugh so much. My other nephew, has been such a wonderful soul. I remember, he laying down the mats on the wet floor, so I could walk well with my crutches. and he is just 10, where did he get this understanding. I felt so touched by his gesture. This incident had been etched in my life forever.

Not to forget my friends, who have been there. praying and wishing all the time for me. Some of whom, have kept me company , coming online at the same time , just so that they can be with me, to make me feel better. There are few who encouraged me to think things over, there are some who even called up, just to know how I was doing. There are some, who just come when they know they are needed.Its a task for me to climb steps, and it is then that I really need help. and without even asking, my friends pitch in to help me.Its something in their heart for me, that has allowed the healing to take place. This is my Gift, the gift of unconditional love that I receive all the time, and that's my strength too.

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The Dark Sarcasm in Classroom!

The news has been more welcoming today, the Government has decided to stop the dark sarcasm  in school. Any teacher caught using words like "stupid" "idiot" "fool" or any other banned punishment, will have to face disciplinary action. It took so long for the govt. to take this step. It's ironic, that so many have suffered an ordeal at the hands of teachers in the classroom, be it school or private classes. There hasn't been any check on this activity. Countless incidents can be cited, and it has been falling on deaf ears. 

Who Care's what the child goes through, when a negative remark is passed on him/her. There are repercussions of these remarks, when told repeatedly,over a period of time. It demoralizes the child, to an extent of being scarred for life. The teachers don't even know what damage they caused, but they continue so. Teachers behave like bullies, no control over their tongue. And yes classrooms can be overwhelming too, with other children getting into the act of using these words among themselves or more towards the child who has been on the receiving end.

Two years back, I was recommended to see a child, before I could help him. He seemed quite cute and normal..but was so scared to even be greeted by someone. On further analysis, realized he was reprimanded on every mistake that he committed while learning. There was no room for him to make an error, was slapped repeatedly. So the child was so averse to learning, that he almost didn't feel like touching his books. It took me some time to get him into confidence and assure him, that teachers are no demons.

I remember my school days, It was one of my toughest phase . The teachers were too mean, some of them used to use words like " born rogues", statements like " you will never learn" " you are so dumb how can you learn " " this is not your cup of tea". Imagine what this can do a child's psyche.I have survived, but even then I used to feel, this needs to be stopped. But who would tell the teachers, they knew all the answers so well. Recently I met a school friend of mine, and on further conversation realized she still feels she is no good. For this reason, she doesn't do anything. She says whats the use, am no good, I wont excel in this. Even after such a long time, the damage is still there. This is the irony, the realization of all this doesn't happen,when the damage is being done. 

Last year,while doing the analysis of children. marking them on their performance, their behavior in class. I noticed a child, who wasn't performing at his best. I knew it from where this was coming. Requested the school to let me have a look , at whats happening in the class. I had to be discreet , so as to get to the truth. So positioned myself at a safer distance and there I saw it, the child had just stepped in to the school corridor along with his mom in tow. And his class teacher was there to welcome him, but on seeing her he started to cry, not even willing to go further ahead and asking his mom to take him back home.On further investigation, it was revealed that this teacher was being very partial, not including him in the group of children, being nasty all the time. and staring at him while angry. This led to his performance in class to deteriorate. 

The Child has his own mind, own identity. They are individuals in their own right, they have feelings, they understand a lot. Just because they have issues in learning, doesn't give the teachers the right to be mean , to hurt them in any way. Some children are slow learners and there is nothing that can be done, except have patience and understand their difficulty and take it from there. 

We have to train teachers to be effective analyzers and have compassion for such students, who genuinely need help. But teachers in India are also overworked. Imagine to cater to around 50 odd students everyday all by oneself. Its a tough job for them as well. and most of them join this profession not out of choice, so there is no love while teaching, the salary is meager. So all this bottles down to being nasty on the less fortunate children's. Its a vicious cycles, but somewhere we have to put the spikes and just bring a halt to this painful misery done to the innocent minds. Its only then, we can help the innocent minds and have a healthy generation. This is the future generation, we have to take care of it right now. 

One of the shocking incident that happened last year - http://voteupindia.com/rajasthan-student-loses-eyesight-after-teachers-thrashing/

There is some respite,with the government stepping in and controlling  the damage that has been happening since ages. So from this June, we should find some refinement, in the teachers behavior with regard to children who are  the less fortunate ones. 

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