Deep Down within the Heart.......

Deep Down within the heart.......What do we feel?. Countless emotions come rushing back.... we know exactly what's the feeling within. That's the exact feeling that tell us the truth, the reality as it is. When we feel the deep calmness, about something or someone, we know we are on the right track. It feels good...the feeling of elation and happiness surrounds us. Cause deep down within the heart we feel  that the things are perfect just the way its meant  to be. It doesn't matter whether it's the way we wanted it, but we still feel so good about it. This feeling that we get It's not fake , it is  real. Ponder over the feeling that comes from within..and when we do get a thought..."Is whats happening - is it worth it or not worth it..?"

Don't we all have answers, even when we know that it isn't worth it. The heart keeps beeping back at us about facts. This is our hearts way of asking us to please have a look , recheck, re-evaluate that someone or something in our lives. But are we willing to consider the answer. I doubt. Our attachments are tough to defy and make us look up for the signs,  for the clues.The time is spent in thinking, wanting, hoping, contemplating and stretching.The heart never lets us down, cause it always tells us the truth about how we feel, the way we feel . We know the worthiness of something or someone.

Have you ever poured your life and energy into someone or something even when you knew it wasn't worth it. Were you successful ? and what were the result? If we observe there are countless occasions, when we invest time, money etc....knowing for a fact that it isn't leading us anywhere. And yet we continue  with the hope that things would get better or we can sort it out. There's a lot of stake, when we hold on to something that is not worth...but sometimes the realization comes a little too late.

Around a year back I had a very beautiful relationship....the feeling was sacred, beautiful , and yes with attachment too....I poured my entire life into the relationship.....and I simply kept pouring and pouring....and one fine day....I acknowledged the signs that were coming from deep down within my heart. I sincerely wished for the relationship to work at all cost...all in the hope that it will. When the end came, My sense of loss and grief was real! I realized I couldn't spend more time...because I had tried everything that was in my capacity and it wasn't worth . The time had come to let it go and even though it was hard and painful...it had to be done...

What happens when we discover that we are pouring water into a broken container

Do we get another jar?
Do we fix the jar?
Do we keep pouring?

We hang on to something or someone...for the good memories that we share ...it can be a person or a thing....something so special to us. But there are signs, that keep telling us...that this isn't going ahead. Countless decisions are made to simply fix it, trying to make sense, trying to give sense, this takes up all the energy, the feel good moment is what makes us carry on....Our determination to fix it at all cost, is what most of the time lets us down. Cause we are simply not seeing the signs that's coming from deep within the heart. And we keep on pouring , pouring pouring our life into that something or someone...just to make it work, to fix it. It's unthinkable to imagine life without....

Consider the life that you are leading at the moment..

what or who are you pouring your energy or life into?
what are the returns?
do you like what you see?

Just look deep down within the heart...and you will get all your answers

Share

Read more »

Matters of the Heart

The time had come, to ask something , a thought used to always cross my mind. and more often than ever. and this happened 3 yrs back .wanted to hold a baby in my arms...I was insisting my sister, can we get a good news. And she rolled her eyes and said "have you lost your mind, am just out of one diaper cleaning process , now is the time for me to relax and get going and do some work after all". I just smiled, and asked God...I hope he grants me this wish. And as luck would be, we did get a good news that my sister was expecting.

As the D-day came closer, my sister was looking more prettier than ever, but also looked exhausted. Very soon, she was in the operating theater, myself, mom, my bro-in-law and his mom...were all outside, waiting for the baby. The time was ticking, and so was my patience...as it was simply getting delayed.  The heart raced faster than before and at the same time, the nurse came out. She seemed quite tense, so there was no asking her whats happening. Kept quiet and felt as though my heart was sinking. We were all praying for things to be alright. For the first time in my life, I realized I wasn't strong enough, I just wanted my sister to be alright. and I prayed that all is well. The time was running very slow and there it was, the surgeon came out and said " Its a boy!  both the mother and the baby are fine and healthy". I simply leaped up from my seat, I couldn't believe that it was all over and that too with a news I was waiting for such a long time. We all thanked the surgeon.

And there I saw the little one, all wrapped up in a nice warm white cloth and blue strip border. I vividly remember his eyes, they were twinkling , he was purring softly like a cat , with a cute smile glued to his face.. what a cutie!...just had to hold him closer to me. Awww! what a feeling to hold him in my arms!the best feeling in the world. For that moment, I felt as if he is just mine for this life. Slowly the little one went to sleep as I rocked him comfortably, and then kept him in the small crib besides the bed. I thanked, my sister, for this gift to our family, especially to me!. My sister looked a little exhausted, guess to bring a baby into this world is an effort of a different kind. Emotionally exhausting, and yet so pleasurable, to have your own into this world. I gently pressed her toes, she stirred a little, but went back to sleep again. and i continued pressing her toes, till i saw she was sound sleep. I tucked at  my mother before leaving  for home, she too was taking her nap sitting on the chair. still looking fresh and energetic. And all set to take care of her grandson.  That's what grandmothers are made of!.Kudos!

Mom had decided to stay back at the hospital with my sister(they had done a C-sect). The little one already started showing what he is made of, making cute little noises, with some yawns and some stretching. Always wanting to get his hand out of the wrap, but the nurse used to tie him more harder. Somehow, seeing him all tied up, wasn't making me comfortable, asked the nurse, to leave the cloth wrap  loose, so that he could move his arms and legs freely. O Boy! what a freedom ! he looked at me and said thank you auntie....I  have been wanting to get free of this and now I feel so much better. I can move my arms above me. Well his eyes said these things to me....Was I happy, you bet!  Slowly moving his fingers up and down his face, touching softly. and then moving his hand above his head, and as he was doing this I could see he was tuning his vision to where his hands were. and noticed he could stretch his head till he could touch his neck! wow that was amazing!...quite acrobatic!

 And here he was pretending to be asleep, waiting for his mom to lie down and call it a day, and the exact moment he started making cute little noises all over again. Oh ho! not now baby, just sleep for a little while, guess he wanted to be held closer by his mother , so he could just listen to her heart beat and go off to sleep!..smart boy!...What if there were few more like him...I mean maybe twins, or triplets....hummmm, it was just an afterthought I had, but I was scared to ask my sister. surely to get some beating this time....LOL!

After few days, my sister was back to her place, we had decorated the place , to welcome the little one. The little one's sister was eager to hold him. With much coaxing, when the little one came home. he was softly placed in the lap of his sister...what a site!..both of them looking at each other. A picture perfect moment for all of us. One time he kept us all awake the entire night, refusing to sleep a single min. But it was worth it. My sister had all the patience, she did a pretty good job...I think all mothers do..But it was taxing, yet lovely...and I stayed with my sis for some more time, till she was comfortable to let go me. One of the best 3 months that I spent in my life, every single moment was priceless...the little noices that he used to make, to splashing of water while bathing him, the turning on the sides, his crawling on the bed and much more....that was just the begining....today the little one is all of 2 yrs! God Bless! calls me bashi (instead of maushi)...Its a joy to watch him grow. He is the apple pie of the house, adores his sister a lot. Plays by himself and yes, has a mind of his own.....more with his tactics later on........

As am writing this, find my eyes slightly moist!.....one of the most cherished memory of  my life. Its priceless. ..Moments that are treasured forever, and there are births in family that are so so special. That you want to stop the time there itself and hope that moment last for eternity. The specialness in the relationships are binding. It all begins with a thought, then a desire, to have something in life, and the moment that desire is granted, then you are witness to the most extraordinary thing in life....the growth of the child, to be able to mold the child, the freedom to express and so much more...But right now am just enjoying the process of being an aunt to my little ones( my nieces and nephews) ..and hope to hear very soon being called maushi than bashi....guess....! the bashi sounds lovely to the ears....well will ask him to stick to bashi !

Share

Read more »