The Identity.....

Our identity is what we have with us, and its truly ours.....It is this identity , the perception , the concept of who we think we are , that directs and organizes our beliefs, our core values , our capabilities, actions, and behavior. Everyone of us are unique, it is this uniqueness that drives us to express ourselves creatively with passion.

It's what we stand for, it makes us the person we are, the beautiful, the amazing, the caring, the compassionate, the passionate, the loving, the gorgeous, the trustworthy, the go-getter, the pursuer, the iconic, the legend, the lawyer, the businessman, the therapist, the doctor....the list is endless...We identify with outward expressions of ourselves – our career, our family, our looks, our clothes, our home and possessions, our class, our education – all of these things reveal some aspects of our identity to a certain extent.

Beginning at birth, we lose ourselves in the sheer energy of living - in activity, in people, in beliefs, in should and ought and expectations. But what happens, when we let go off this Identity completely, that is the us, that's what makes you and me.....

Recently on one of my trips outside on my own after I started walking again, I went to visit a friend of mine.   It had been nearly a year since my last visit to her place, Yes, It almost took a year for me to walk again. And there I saw her sitting relaxed comfortably on the chair, waiting for me to join her. I admire her passion, the way she has always been with the kids. Her love for children always shown in her eyes. But this time, it seemed different, something was amiss. I could pinpoint, but I restrained myself. I simply acknowledged her the way I used to for so many years.  The spark in her twinkling eyes seemed missing, and I wondered did she knew it herself.  When we loose ourselves, we simply remain a shadow of our own identity. I looked at her eyes, the pain shown in them now. What happened , that such a passionate lady came to this state...I had my answers right in front and there were some I was wanting to know. 

When we become the shadow of our own identity, when we let go off ourselves, when we give up on ourselves to maintain, to balance our life, our relationship...do we end up loosing our identity...For some YES...they do....come what may, life doesn't seem the same, its different. It's only the others that count, somewhere they take a back seat, they simply follow. Leaving behind, what they actually want from their life, leaving behind their passion . They allow someone else decide for them just so that they can have the relationship or be in the relationship.

Yes...we do take up different roles, pertaining to the situation and the demands that life puts on us. Take a moment, is it really like this....do we really have to loose our identity. Reflect on all the different roles we choose to take on in our life, don't they help us define who we are, some roles invite us to express more of who we really are and some roles don't support us in being us. Nevertheless each role carries within a mission to be fulfilled. But these roles never suggests that we have to forgo what we really love, what we stand for, what inspires us, what makes us the person we want to be and more importantly the Identity that we created for ourselves, the identity that we love so much.

In whatever situation we find ourselves in, we can always preserve and enhance our Identity! We simply decide and get back the self, love the self .. that's all!

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This One Is For You.......

This is only for you, cause you deserve it, and you have been deserving it for such a long time. But  you don't know it yet, and you still don't believe you are deserving of it.

There has never been a perfect time...the perfect time is now, this moment. Well....you must be wondering what is this IT all about....let me tell you....you are truly special, beautiful and chosen one, the one who is so so deserving of Love. Most importantly you are lovable. Yes, yes you are lovable, exactly the way you are...with all your limitations, with all your faults.

This is you, with your likes, dislikes, your wants, intentions and goals. And if things are not happening in your life, if life still seems empty, know that you are still lovable. Nothing changes, irrespective the way you are at this moment.  With life misses, mismatches, adversities,  loneliness , the emptiness, know that you are still and will always be loved beyond anything in this world. No one decides who you are or what you ought to be, its only you who decides.  Acknowledge yourself, know yourself...and forgive for all the wrong things in your life, and know that you are not about all those mistakes, or all those judgement made upon you. Have compassion for your shortfalls, while rejoicing in your gifts. loving yourself , relieves you of self-judgement and self-criticism.You rarely appreciate yourself, or admire yourself for who you are as a person. You are unique in your own way, your experiences have made who you are at this moment.

What would it take for you to know that you are loved , all you got to do is start loving yourself, the way you are. And you will notice the difference that starts happening in your life. Self love is paramount, it is what set us free from everything that keeps us away from what we aspire, what we want in our lives. We often seek out people that mirror our innermost feelings, about ourselves. If we feel undeserving of love,  we will attract people into our lives that are incapable of showing it. When we stop seeking love and look inwards for the love that is already there inside us....it is then that we truly know what is love in the first place...and there is nothing more than this. All the goodness is out there waiting for you to experience  life beautifully.  The difference you start noticing, will not only help you in your relationships, but you will notice a phenomenal change in your outlook towards life, your perceptions about life.

It's nearing the end of a year, why not take this opportunity to focus your attention on this individual self of yours, the true self of being. Start experiencing the love for this self of yours, it will bring deep ease and relief. Knowing this true self of yours and loving it unconditionally is delightful in itself.  What a lovely way to end this year on a beautiful note and Start the Next year...with a renewed You.

A new meaning , a new purpose to look forward to in life.. Isn't it?

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Take the time.........

The last session of the day....was lovely...and yet the one thing that kept ringing like bell in my head was......It's usually about feeling special, feeling loved. We do ask ourselves invariably " when was the last time I felt special or loved by someone". It's a beautiful feeling, when the soul feels appreciated, loved, hugged, felt special etc. But we end up looking for this feeling outside us, we start looking for happiness out there. For a lot many, it's acceptance that this is the life it is meant to be and it's more like resigning to fate. And one fine day...this feeling of deep emptiness crawls up to the core of our being. It's absolutely not out there...its all within us.

The day you start loving yourself....the feeling of special-ness ,  will sprite your life up.   Now the question is...do you really Take the time to love yourself, to love the way you are, without judging. The mind has been conditioned from early childhood, to look for happiness outside...it can be a person or an object. You are made to believe, this is what will make you happy, but Ironically in the process you stop  loving yourself. Honestly ask yourself, when was the last time you acknowledged your feeling, and expressed them the way you wanted it to be expressed.

Taking the time ...requires effort...and it takes time but more importantly  you have to take the time to do what you want, to tell what you want, to express yourself. With the busy lives that you lead, doing what you love doing or doing what is needed to be done..or simply doing nothing.....you get so caught up , that rarely do you take time out to appreciate your life, to love yourself or others whom you value in your life.

Taking the Time...is one aspect...that is categorically taken for granted, and yet is one of the most important aspect of our life.  I know the list is endless and wouldn't fit into a single post....But if you just put down the list it is this...

Take the time to come home to yourself everyday,
Take the time to love yourself, to express love

Take the time to know yourself, 

Take the time to acknowledge your feelings, 

Take the time to relax,
Take the time to breathe, take the time to feel the calmness within

Take the time to know someone well, to appreciate the people you love
Take the time to listen, take the time to hear
Take the time to laugh

etc....

There is nothing that is most important or least important...it is what it is....., cause each and every person is at different situation, facing different circumstances in their lives at present. 

So is it so difficult to take the time out.....No...it isn't at all....It's only when you, WILL to do it....I mean when you just decide to take the time out...When was the last time you looked at yourself, I mean taken a real good look. and you noticed how wonderful you do smile, and the happiness is shown in your eyes. If you just take the time to notice , you will definitely find something beautiful . For a moment just stop thinking what others think about you. You simply Take the time .....to appreciate what is in you, , even with your flaws , take the time to love yourself. Take the time to know yourself, see the beautiful person that is there in you. Yes....I get to hear this often...." it's been such a long time that someone said something nice, something so beautiful, I miss those moments" ......Hey Sweets!....know one thing..you will be loved for this lifetime and beyond, for now take the time to love yourself first!

Take the time to enjoy the moment that is , that is the NOW...in your life. 

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The Paradox in love......

Love is wonderful, all encompassing,beautiful. There is nothing as beautiful as love. Love makes the world a happier place. The feeling of oneness with the other person that we are in love with is amazing, there are no limitations,no boundaries. It's pure and sacred, when it is so heart felt. Love is what we are , its just there in us. We are not taught how to love..it is there in itself. Yet there is a Paradox, that arises time and again, it is not just in the imaginary mind. It's an action that needs to be expressed. "I love You" the three most  beautiful words that we hear or say to someone, but is that enough. It's in the action that one means, what one feels. There needs to be some kind of communication of action registered. Then its love.

We may do things to gain approval in love.We may come to them with open hearts and open arms stretched to feel the oneness, but is it expressed with the same intensity from them. Most of us, are wanting to express and feel the tenderness in love.. It's this feeling, this tenderness, is it being valued, cared, respected when all we want is to give the love that is within us. What we feel deep within, is what we express, is the other person listening to what we have to say , the willingness to be there, willingness to take the next step along with us.

The dwelling of love is within, but who we try to seek the love with, depends on the person who is in space to receive love. If the other person is not in the space to receive , then how will he or she be able to reciprocate in the same intensity. We speak of unconditional love, and expect the other to love us unconditionally, but how do we know that. If we love someone with the intention to be loved, then that is not loving unconditional it is in fact conditional love.

In today's time , there is an undue advantage taken of innocent love just for unnecessary quest for vain glory. It's so much easy to preach, write, and sing love, but it's impossible to live it. Some of them have reduced love to fabricated words in cards, plastic flower, premeditated online chats , or simply giving gifts to get the love...etc....And in turn they have successfully manipulated the one gift that God gave to mankind- LOVE.

The irrational beliefs,take its toll on the relationship that is beautiful, beliefs like", "living and loving are two different things" etc....countless thoughts keep getting justified in the name of manipulating the very own beautiful gift of love . Inaction in the face of a challenge, leads to lot of pain and suffering. The quest of selfish demands, have managed to disregard the importance of true love in one's life.

The breakdowns of communication, the lost of trust, the strong disagreements, the day to day tensions. Inside we cry out for that wonderful love to be restored, but often we find it so hard to find words or the actions to fully express our desires. Our heartaches, we cry, get angry, withdraw, feel rejected, and it is at moment like this when we honestly share that our love is the most important thing and not an issue, that we begin to communicate. In this process,we have learnt more of giving self above our personal opinion. This is the union for true love, but who has the patience, very easily one gives up.

As Shakespeare said in one of his sonnet  - " Admit impediments. love is not love : Which alters when its alteration find, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever -fixed mark........"It is when we care for the other, a bit more than we care for ourselves. But in order to love that other, we must first love ourselves . If love is true, the answer appears and we'll find two can be one and be whole.

Love heals, Love hurts
Love starts, Love ends
Love provides, love takes
Love is when we put others before us.

I have known and experienced every one of the above paradoxes and probably could re-write this after experiencing them all over again.

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You can close your eyes ......

“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.” 

love just happens and how can one be prepared or know that this is the person we are going to fall in love with. It isn't objective or practical or logical...And yes we do eventually, and life takes a different turn. Its wonderful, beautiful...just the thought of being in love. There isn't any expectation but we wait for the reciprocation, with equal  passion that we feel for the person we are in love with. A lot many are lucky to have the love of their life with them, but for some there is a lot of turmoil . Some are trying their best to make things work and some just let go of the love, that's the only option left with them...

So how do we tell oneself or someone , to not feel or to let go. Its not easy to not feel the love for the person who isn't aware, who hasn't yet reciprocated, who doesn't care for your feelings. Knowing the fact , that it pointless to feel things. But yet we do feel it all the time...we cannot close our hearts to things that we do not want to feel...

So how does one decide, to not to feel the love, the pain, the hurt, the turmoil, the loss. I decided to let go a long time...I had no option but to let go...and I didn't have the courage to carry on when the other person didn't see a future together . It was one of the most painful decision, I had  to take. That was the only option left, either to stay being friends or let go of the person whom I love beyond anything in this world. I chose the later, cause that made sense to me, how do I make myself feel ok, by being friends with the person I love and nothing more. But the feeling is fresh as It was when I met, more deeper that what it was even then. A feeling so beautiful, the love that I feel just hangs there in my heart. 


When I rest my head on the pillow...the feelings, the moments come rushing back...and all  I do is simply witness it as if am seeing a slide show going on in my head....and there is no stop button...its simply keeps on rewinding and I  fall asleep. At times its painful. All I feel is the person in my heart.....the wonderful moments we had  together, the dreams we shared together..the things that we planned to do together., ...its still there as it is. Though there is a sense of reality that of how things are right now. Nothing has changed, just that my life took a U turn.....No one to blame, No regrets, still an ache...which doesn't seem to go away.....feels as if am in a bottom-less abyss!  

 Some connections are just special to let go, but we do and that's the best way to move on!

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