This One Is For You.......

This is only for you, cause you deserve it, and you have been deserving it for such a long time. But  you don't know it yet, and you still don't believe you are deserving of it.

There has never been a perfect time...the perfect time is now, this moment. Well....you must be wondering what is this IT all about....let me tell you....you are truly special, beautiful and chosen one, the one who is so so deserving of Love. Most importantly you are lovable. Yes, yes you are lovable, exactly the way you are...with all your limitations, with all your faults.

This is you, with your likes, dislikes, your wants, intentions and goals. And if things are not happening in your life, if life still seems empty, know that you are still lovable. Nothing changes, irrespective the way you are at this moment.  With life misses, mismatches, adversities,  loneliness , the emptiness, know that you are still and will always be loved beyond anything in this world. No one decides who you are or what you ought to be, its only you who decides.  Acknowledge yourself, know yourself...and forgive for all the wrong things in your life, and know that you are not about all those mistakes, or all those judgement made upon you. Have compassion for your shortfalls, while rejoicing in your gifts. loving yourself , relieves you of self-judgement and self-criticism.You rarely appreciate yourself, or admire yourself for who you are as a person. You are unique in your own way, your experiences have made who you are at this moment.

What would it take for you to know that you are loved , all you got to do is start loving yourself, the way you are. And you will notice the difference that starts happening in your life. Self love is paramount, it is what set us free from everything that keeps us away from what we aspire, what we want in our lives. We often seek out people that mirror our innermost feelings, about ourselves. If we feel undeserving of love,  we will attract people into our lives that are incapable of showing it. When we stop seeking love and look inwards for the love that is already there inside us....it is then that we truly know what is love in the first place...and there is nothing more than this. All the goodness is out there waiting for you to experience  life beautifully.  The difference you start noticing, will not only help you in your relationships, but you will notice a phenomenal change in your outlook towards life, your perceptions about life.

It's nearing the end of a year, why not take this opportunity to focus your attention on this individual self of yours, the true self of being. Start experiencing the love for this self of yours, it will bring deep ease and relief. Knowing this true self of yours and loving it unconditionally is delightful in itself.  What a lovely way to end this year on a beautiful note and Start the Next year...with a renewed You.

A new meaning , a new purpose to look forward to in life.. Isn't it?

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Some Answers........

Today after a very long time I got a letter, a beautiful handwritten one.  Imagine the thrill of receiving a letter in times like this, miss those early days, when life was simpler and we could even do without the cell phones in hand. This letter, reminded me a lot of things , a whirlpool of thoughts barging in from all the areas of life, but more profoundly what I thought interesting , was it reminded me of something that we all do, every person does...is look for some validation, some justification and more importantly for some answers. We look for answers...isn't it?

Every moment of our lives, we are searching and finding answers. Wanting to find respite in our everyday lives, some answers come early, some answers take time, some are already on their way towards us, a knock on the door is enough for us to know the answer has been delivered. The Expectations sky rocket, the waiting is too much to bear, yet we keep on looking  around for the answers. At least a clue or a sign is good enough, to calm our hearts. So does the answer come....Yes it does....it comes to us in many ways, it gets delivered but we are so glued to looking for that one answer that we tend to miss, overlook what has been delivered at the moment. So are we open to acknowledge the answer, irrespective whether the answer delivered is in sync with what we expected it to be. 

The issue usually starts when the answer is not in sync with what we expected for a long time......it rattles our heads .... how long is long enough, was our wait justified, was it all worth, so much effort and yet this outcome. This is unnerving, the mind desperately starts searching for answers, to make sense of all that is in the front. It's at this moment, the mind starts looking for a scapegoat, something to be pointed at,  it goes to the level of justifying something that is frivolous in the first place. The signs were already given to us a long time ago, it's when we fail to notice the sign, that's when the issue starts creeping in. For a moment, look at the answer, exactly the way it has been delivered. And in that moment we will realize that the answer was meant to be the way it was delivered to us , nothing more or less.  Perfect the way it is... the answer was inevitable, the more we accept it at face value, the better it is for us to find an appropriate solution. I know most of the time its difficult to digest, but we still have to...It's like the child, wanting a specific toy or an ice cream , nothing seems to pacify.

The answers, when we look deeply , we will notice.....that all along we knew the answer, but somehow we were not willing to accept the outcome, accept the inevitable. Now that the inevitable has been delivered, what next.......the same answer guide us to a new change, a new life, that is waiting to be explored. An answer can change our life in an instant, it's what we do with that change that happens in our life, is what matters in the end. It's never the end of anything in life, it's only a step towards finding a new meaning, a new way, a new outlook to what has been delivered at our doorstep through the means of an answer.

Life is full of surprises and some answers are inevitable, simply take them with a pinch of salt..

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It's all about feelings!

It's been a while since I got to write , been busy with sessions. Just then, someone sent a beautiful picture of themselves in Europe. And a thought crossed, the landscape was so captivating, it took me back to my time in London,  while standing on the bridge with the Thames river flowing underneath. All I could see was the beautiful reflection of the view in front of me on the river, simply breathtaking! One of those magical moments!. It's not just about pictures, its about the way we feel. A thought crosses our mind and how we take the thought , what meaning we attach to the thought...in turn decides the way we feel. Its the way we feel when we look at a picture, it’s the way we feel about life, about the things in our lives. It can be a story, it can be a picture, it can be our work, and it can be the way we feel about a person. It all comes down to feelings in the end.

Out thoughts make up our worlds.....to an extent that our brain needs to process 60,000 thoughts on an average daily.  It's the way we process thoughts internally, some thoughts lighten up, some thoughts makes us happy, some thoughts pain us, some thoughts encourage us, some thoughts makes us feel low etc...But thoughts are there, we cant stop the thoughts coming, but we can definitely choose how we feel about the thoughts that do pop up in our heads. And this is where the feeling starts taking place, and suddenly we feel elated, happy, energetic, vibrant. And we wonder whats it about this moment that we feel like this. It's only a thought...and we feel good about it.

What is it that makes every individual, perceive his or her own experience……it’s the way he or she feels about it. When we are witness to an event happening or when we experience something in our life….the thoughts keep coming, forming sentences in our heads and it comes to what we feel about that thought in that moment. It's the thoughts and the way we relate to it, decides the way we feel about our life as a whole, about the people around us, about the relationships that we hold close to our hearts. It's the feelings that usually decides what our next step would be, what our next move will be. From the top bureaucrat to the person on the street.....it comes to only feelings in the end...its these feelings that makes us who we are as a person, the way we approach our life. 

These feelings help us to survive, help us to scan our environment the way it is. but sometimes these feelings can makes us overwhelmed, it can make us feel uncomfortable, uneasy.....Look inwards and  ask yourself ...what are the feelings connected to. As for the picture that I mentioned earlier, the feeling was nice, but sometimes the feelings are different, so what do we do then. Wait and see what you notice, you might remember something, you might hear some sound..notice some tension in some area of your body....it's a sure sign of making you aware of the things that you haven't been aware of consciously. Don't try to interpret, judge or analyse. Be open to simply notice. We may already think we know why we are feeling in a certain way but sometimes there is more to it than we think.

Am feeling good already...how about you? Am sure you too are....and if you are feeling different at the moment...you always have a choice to shift the way you feel. That means....remember the times when you felt good.  let yourself relax and get comfortable. It could be something that really happened, or something that you create , feel all those pleasant feelings.  Feel your body shift from what you are feeling , letting those feelings go. Let yourself feel feel more relaxed, stay with this feeling until you really feel connected to it.

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Take the time.........

The last session of the day....was lovely...and yet the one thing that kept ringing like bell in my head was......It's usually about feeling special, feeling loved. We do ask ourselves invariably " when was the last time I felt special or loved by someone". It's a beautiful feeling, when the soul feels appreciated, loved, hugged, felt special etc. But we end up looking for this feeling outside us, we start looking for happiness out there. For a lot many, it's acceptance that this is the life it is meant to be and it's more like resigning to fate. And one fine day...this feeling of deep emptiness crawls up to the core of our being. It's absolutely not out there...its all within us.

The day you start loving yourself....the feeling of special-ness ,  will sprite your life up.   Now the question is...do you really Take the time to love yourself, to love the way you are, without judging. The mind has been conditioned from early childhood, to look for happiness outside...it can be a person or an object. You are made to believe, this is what will make you happy, but Ironically in the process you stop  loving yourself. Honestly ask yourself, when was the last time you acknowledged your feeling, and expressed them the way you wanted it to be expressed.

Taking the time ...requires effort...and it takes time but more importantly  you have to take the time to do what you want, to tell what you want, to express yourself. With the busy lives that you lead, doing what you love doing or doing what is needed to be done..or simply doing nothing.....you get so caught up , that rarely do you take time out to appreciate your life, to love yourself or others whom you value in your life.

Taking the Time...is one aspect...that is categorically taken for granted, and yet is one of the most important aspect of our life.  I know the list is endless and wouldn't fit into a single post....But if you just put down the list it is this...

Take the time to come home to yourself everyday,
Take the time to love yourself, to express love

Take the time to know yourself, 

Take the time to acknowledge your feelings, 

Take the time to relax,
Take the time to breathe, take the time to feel the calmness within

Take the time to know someone well, to appreciate the people you love
Take the time to listen, take the time to hear
Take the time to laugh

etc....

There is nothing that is most important or least important...it is what it is....., cause each and every person is at different situation, facing different circumstances in their lives at present. 

So is it so difficult to take the time out.....No...it isn't at all....It's only when you, WILL to do it....I mean when you just decide to take the time out...When was the last time you looked at yourself, I mean taken a real good look. and you noticed how wonderful you do smile, and the happiness is shown in your eyes. If you just take the time to notice , you will definitely find something beautiful . For a moment just stop thinking what others think about you. You simply Take the time .....to appreciate what is in you, , even with your flaws , take the time to love yourself. Take the time to know yourself, see the beautiful person that is there in you. Yes....I get to hear this often...." it's been such a long time that someone said something nice, something so beautiful, I miss those moments" ......Hey Sweets!....know one thing..you will be loved for this lifetime and beyond, for now take the time to love yourself first!

Take the time to enjoy the moment that is , that is the NOW...in your life. 

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What is it dear.....

........ that you are still looking for, still searching for, still holding yourself back to make that decision, trying to find the right answer. Every want,every desire, every wish, every intention gets granted or gets done.And yes...it does follow suit and  most of the time, our prayers do get answered. It's all in the perceptions, it's how we perceive things in our life. It's still a perfect world with all the imperfections. Isn't it so!.

Even the five fingers of our hands are not similar, but yet they are in sync with each other..that's how it is . And yet most of the time our mind put's us in a dilemma cause we want to have the perfect solution, the perfect answer.  But do we really find the answers that we are looking for.  Some answers come easily and some answers take time and some don't even see the light of the day. The mind tries to find logic behind every aspect of life. Life comes to a standstill for many of us....when we expect life to be in a certain way, when we expect approval, and when we see the reality is different than what we perceived it to be, we get disappointed. We keep on asking everyone and every one has a different answer to give, based on their own understanding and also what they feel would be appropriate for us.

 .....STOP! wait a minute....just think....what about what you think, what is it that makes you happy, what is it that makes you feel good about your life....When will you start taking decisions or doing things that really matter to you...irrespective of whether you get the approval or not. What about your views, what about your feelings. Or does your views don't matter. Think about it...your views are equally important than what others think about you. Cause you are the one, who will define yourself. This is the time.....nothing is out there , it's all there in you...to make it work....but based on your decision...not on  what others say, the others can help...but it's finally your life, you got be happy eventually in the end. You got to find your own space and be happy wherever you are, then the world is just perfect the way it is and it has always been perfect.

...Try to find the balance, and the answers are right there, its for you to decide whether which goal, which dream, which relationship is worth keeping cause that's where  the answers lies....it's never out there, its always within you....

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Hey lovely Person!...

Yes...am talking to you....who is so lovely, beautiful and amazing . It makes me happy to know you, to have you in my life. I simply adore and respect you, the way you are. There is nothing that I would want to change in you...love you with all the imperfection. But yes...I would like one thing from you .......just trust life a little.

Trust in the divinity of the Universe, trust in the healing powers, trust in the prayers, trust in yourself., ........trust in the deliverance from whatever you are experiencing in your life at this moment. Does this sound so simple,  yes...it is as simple as this. When we start trusting the universe, when we start trusting....something better starts happening..for us and the people around us. There is a shift that starts taking place in the universe.....it might not happen in this instant...but if we simply keep on the trust alive in us,the universe will heals us, give us or  relieve us from whatever it is we are asking from....it will definitely happen.

The Universe will surprise you beyond your imagination,  but trust you must...cause that's the only way..for now. Countless doubts, fears, worries, reservation keep coming...there is no controlling. You tell me " I  have done everything I could, I have tried everything and yet it's not happening ". You keep asking the whys , the whens, the hows...I can feel the anguish, the pain deep inside in your heart.  It's seems impossible, be it convincing someone, be it getting the project in hand, be it forgiving someone, be it having a good life. You say..".it ain't working for me, so how do I get the trust here". As the proverb goes." It's always darkest before dawn". Just trust life a little more now, cause that's what the universe wants you to do. The universe knows that you are asking or trusting from the abundance that you already have in your life and It is this trust that will lead you to what you wished for in your life.

Even when the uncertainties are looming over your head, know this.....there is something beautiful waiting to happen. Trust this thought, trust the feeling that you get when you have this thought...that's what is going to make the difference, that's what is going to make the shift in the universe for you. Trust that , the moment is going to happen, you are going to be delivered from all this uncertainty, a new chapter is waiting to be opened...but for now you got to trust.......

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Take a Chance........

How would  life be without the chances that we got till now, am sure life would be dull and drag. This isn't a perfect world and we are not perfect people and we all need chances. I am at my nth number of second chance right now and I am not ashamed to admit it. I have failed a lot, but I have tried a lot too. We rarely get things right for the first time. Our life starts with a decision to try again and again and give another shot to the failed attempt. It's normal to make mistakes, we learn and we grow and take a chance again.

A chance......Simply said or asked...what a lovely word is this! It acts as an adrenaline pull for everyone and including me. If life gives us a chance again, what would we do......Just this thought is enough and it even sounds so beautiful....yes ! this is exactly what comes to my mind. A chance to be happy, a chance to make a difference, a chance to live life all over again, a chance to get back on feet, a chance to Love again....a chance to say Sorry, a chance to Forgive , a chance to say Thank you, a chance to Forget, a chance to live Life on its own term, a chance to Celebrate, a chance to Move ahead , a chance to Let Go, a chance to learn something New , a chance to make things Work, a chance to renew wows, a chance to renew relationships., a chance to be strong......there's so much to this word....every second of our life we are given a chance. 

There is fear, apprehension, skepticism, yet we do need to take the chance to know what life is once we take the chance, perform the action and be complete with it. Yes I understand! It's not easy at all . We often forget that if trying to find that certain someone or something is a tiring process, we have the right to stop. It's often the chasing, what was once a vital part of our lives. But by no means , are we allowed to deny ourselves the chance to be happy , in fear of being hurt again.  And also more important is never give yourself a chance to fall apart , because when you do , it becomes a tendency and it happens over and over again.

So when do we know whether there is a chance available or when do we know we can take a chance...its a matter of choice..but the beautiful fact is this... a chance is available every single second....its only a matter of our willingness to take the chance. So what are we waiting for, who are we waiting for....etc....chance is already there all the time..in front of us, we just have to take the STEP.

Am taking my baby steps to walk back again and move towards the life I want. Each one of us  has the chance to be happy again.....Just Take A Chance!

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The Gracefulness of Serenity........

The Serenity that I feel at the moment is as blissful as this man sitting by the lake. The mind is at peace, even when I am feeling ever expanding ripples caused by events happening within me and around me. The ripples are just  a way of life, which only gives us an experience to learn from. The way things are at the moment, there is no urgency to to reach anywhere, to be in a certain way, to please someone, to be someone. I am simply at peace with myself and where I am at the moment. The stillness that I feel within even in the midst of the waiting, the uncertainty is beautiful. A sense of calmness has set in, was this the way I felt earlier...I might have but I have just started to notice it more so lately.

Life is just the way it is, simple , beautiful , adventurous,  interesting , delightful etc....one can simply go on adding different adjectives. And yet when we look at our wants , desires, wishes; and we ask ourselves when will things start getting done, getting accomplished, that's the time we start losing the moment that is there to cherish. Desires , wants make up our lives, but that's only the part of our life not the whole of who we are. There are things we want to achieve, there are things that we want to feel, want to have, things that we desire. The list is endless, the list is way for us to feel good, to feel worthwhile. It's important to have a certain degree of security, a certain amount of accomplishment, a certain amount of worthiness. Cause that's what gives us a sense of who we are, where we are, what makes us happy, what makes us feel good.

But Life always brings with it a certain amount of uncertainties. Uncertainties can be in the form of unexpected , unwanted turn of events in life. Be it a personal loss, a relationship gone sour , a heartbreak, a disease, an accident, a deal not gone through,  financial losses..there can be plenty of uncertainties that one can think of.  And in this midst we start caring about people's approval, we become prisoner for life. Once we start chasing something, our heart  never unclench. And we say" I never expected this to happen , am so devastated".  It's in this moment of crisis, in the moment of upheaval if we simply let go off the injury, the hurt, the pain, the let down, the chase and just do our work and STEP BACK. We are on the path to serenity , which is simply there in us , we simply need to find it .

If we only.........it's for us to find the path that leads to gracefulness in life.

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Deep Down within the Heart.......

Deep Down within the heart.......What do we feel?. Countless emotions come rushing back.... we know exactly what's the feeling within. That's the exact feeling that tell us the truth, the reality as it is. When we feel the deep calmness, about something or someone, we know we are on the right track. It feels good...the feeling of elation and happiness surrounds us. Cause deep down within the heart we feel  that the things are perfect just the way its meant  to be. It doesn't matter whether it's the way we wanted it, but we still feel so good about it. This feeling that we get It's not fake , it is  real. Ponder over the feeling that comes from within..and when we do get a thought..."Is whats happening - is it worth it or not worth it..?"

Don't we all have answers, even when we know that it isn't worth it. The heart keeps beeping back at us about facts. This is our hearts way of asking us to please have a look , recheck, re-evaluate that someone or something in our lives. But are we willing to consider the answer. I doubt. Our attachments are tough to defy and make us look up for the signs,  for the clues.The time is spent in thinking, wanting, hoping, contemplating and stretching.The heart never lets us down, cause it always tells us the truth about how we feel, the way we feel . We know the worthiness of something or someone.

Have you ever poured your life and energy into someone or something even when you knew it wasn't worth it. Were you successful ? and what were the result? If we observe there are countless occasions, when we invest time, money etc....knowing for a fact that it isn't leading us anywhere. And yet we continue  with the hope that things would get better or we can sort it out. There's a lot of stake, when we hold on to something that is not worth...but sometimes the realization comes a little too late.

Around a year back I had a very beautiful relationship....the feeling was sacred, beautiful , and yes with attachment too....I poured my entire life into the relationship.....and I simply kept pouring and pouring....and one fine day....I acknowledged the signs that were coming from deep down within my heart. I sincerely wished for the relationship to work at all cost...all in the hope that it will. When the end came, My sense of loss and grief was real! I realized I couldn't spend more time...because I had tried everything that was in my capacity and it wasn't worth . The time had come to let it go and even though it was hard and painful...it had to be done...

What happens when we discover that we are pouring water into a broken container

Do we get another jar?
Do we fix the jar?
Do we keep pouring?

We hang on to something or someone...for the good memories that we share ...it can be a person or a thing....something so special to us. But there are signs, that keep telling us...that this isn't going ahead. Countless decisions are made to simply fix it, trying to make sense, trying to give sense, this takes up all the energy, the feel good moment is what makes us carry on....Our determination to fix it at all cost, is what most of the time lets us down. Cause we are simply not seeing the signs that's coming from deep within the heart. And we keep on pouring , pouring pouring our life into that something or someone...just to make it work, to fix it. It's unthinkable to imagine life without....

Consider the life that you are leading at the moment..

what or who are you pouring your energy or life into?
what are the returns?
do you like what you see?

Just look deep down within the heart...and you will get all your answers

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The Act of Conversation......

It's been a week long absence from any activity but a break of sorts is good. It is rejuvineting to come back to the scene with a new feeling , with a new thought, with a fresh mind. The aroma of the tea had already filled the room and I wished for the perfect breakfast and there it was right on the table . I sat besides  my parents ......simple things in life and so much to be thankful about.

Just then the bell rang, and we had an unexpected visitor. He too joined us for breakfast, now the conversation moved from personal daily nitty grittys to politics to the bombay life. There were quite a few laughs that we shared during the course of our conversation, some yesteryear memories and etc....... It went on for sometime....good laughs and good memories always have a way with us feeling good all the time.

There is something beautiful and yet intriguing about conversations, some conversations are so subtle, unless you are alert you can just miss the point....some conversations make us think..make us think things over. Some are just plain and simple and yet beautiful and some are just so  unnecessary, that we would rather not have a conversation but yet we do . It can be out of fear, out of avoiding but we just get into the act of conversation.

It's the way we put things across , the way we say things....if we observe the words spoken...by us or others, we get a hang of how the conversation is going. It is interesting to note that usually a conversation depends on the intrinsic relationship or the bond that we share with the other people or the group that we are having the conversation with. The beautiful-ness  in the conversation  comes more deeply when we listen. When we are there to hear the other person out. The sharing of ourselves, our view is integral part of a conversation. The willingness to be there, to understand and carry the conversation forward is a skill, but many a times people have to really stop themselves from interrupting.. the urge is too great to resist. For some it is easier, for some listening is just tough to come.

Some conversations light up the entire room and it's like being a part of a celebration. A feel good moment, to take back with us. And some conversation, just get us into realization ! Oh...this is what it is all about. And we wonder at that moment....how could this slip my mind....it's then the reality dawns. There are people who are waiting to utter something sarcastic or stating the obvious. If its delicately put across, then it helps the conversation to move ahead, if not..then it can only spoil a wonderful  morning or a beautiful evening. Notice the expression that happens while in conversation, it's quite interesting. These expression give us the signs of how we are progressing in our conversation, very few are alert to these signs.

Conversations are a way to grow, a way to heal. Cause its during the course of conversation, we learn so many things about ourselves and others at the same time. It's just not a mere discussion or a debate or a phone call or chat, its more than that. It makes us understand the issue, the field of discussion, the life nitty- gritty's , what people share and what we say to them in those moments..is what defines our conversation. After all a conversation, be it beautiful, good, interesting, or something else remains etched in our minds. So see to it that we do make our conversations interesting enough, so there's an audience to listen to what we have to share and vice versa!

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A Zen story....

There is an Interesting zen story, and yet absurd as Osho puts it. But the story actually depicts the life the way it is!...This is one of my personal fav stories, made me realize the importance of being an observer first. I hope you do enjoy reading this story as much as I have enjoyed making it a part of my life! 

The story goes like this...A Zen master ask his disciple " some time ago I put a goose in a bottle. Now the goose has grown big and neck of the bottle is very small, so the goose cannot come out. The bottle is very precious and I don't want to break it, so now there is a crisis. If the goose is not allowed out, she will die. I can break the bottle and the goose will be out, but I don't want to break the bottle - the bottle is precious . I don't want to kill the goose either. so what would you do?"

This is the problem! the goose is in your head and the neck is very narrow. You can break the head, but it is precious. Or you can let the goose die, but that cannot be allowed - because you are the goose.

Many answers were tried, but he would always beat the person and keep saying no. someone would suggest doing something with the bottle, but again the master would say : the bottle will be broken or something will go wrong and that cannot be allowed. or somebody would say  : let the goose die, if the bottle is so precious. These were the only two way;there is no other way  and the master wouldn't give any clue.  And then  one disciple said " The Goose is Out"

But to this disciple he bowed down and touched his feet and said : He is right - the goose is out! it has never been in. You are out! you have never been in . The feeling that you are in is just a false conception.

So there is no real problem of how to bring you out of your head. Just watch, watch what happens? Just close your eyes and watch your thoughts . What happens? Thoughts are there in, but you are not in. Everything is moving around and watcher is Beyond!

Watching means to be out. Don't try to come out. Who will come out? No one has been in. The whole effort is futile, because if you have never been in then how can you come out? You may go on trying and trying and getting involved in it, you may get mad but you will never be out. Once you know that in a moment of watchfulness you are beyond, transcending – you are out. 

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Making sense......

Making sense of it all......it takes a while to understand things, understand life, understand people around and more importantly to understand oneself. Life.....it takes an effort to understand , and yes it is still so beautiful even with all that happens around us, irrespective of whatever happens. But thinking too much just takes away the beauty that is there to experience, even when it is very tough. 

For most around , life isn't what it's meant to be. So many wishes, desires, expectations etc...the list is endless and that's one of the reason to feel the misery in one's life.  What would you say to a child born with a fatal disorder that can't be cured. Did the child deserve this, No he didn't and no one  deserves to go through such  pain and suffering at the same time. And yet we feel that we have so much less in our life . Just ponder over this thought, even in this state the child has been provided with some support in the form of a wonderful family, a lovely sibling to hang around. Similarly we are always taken care of even in the moments of despair that we go through. 

An upset, a deal not done , a waiting that's really testing our patience, a health that is taking a longer time to heal and etc....countless and never ending issues. Questions like" how long will this continue" or " why me" or " would I really have peace" or " when would I be able to get out of this situation" . Wouldn't it be wonderful if we just get some answers to the why's , the when's in our life. Life without the why's and when's would be a wonderful life actually.  Imagine, everything happening the way we wanted it, getting everything we ever asked for, all dreams coming true, all wishes granted. Aha! what a blissful life would that be. But I bet, it would definitely lack luster, that we have in our lives at present.

It's overwhelming most of the time, the waiting can get on our nerves, the answers don't come and we search here and there for the right answer. And yet, it doesn't come...and I have no answer but I know exactly how you feeling at this moment, whats going on in your mind. I can feel the pain. But know one thing is all will be fine one day and all is perfect the way it is at the moment. When you accept the reality the way it is, it all starts making sense. Its really very simple, cause in that moment we understand that our choices, our decisions have brought us to where we are at the moment. Just be thankful, at least there is a realization that we are responsible for everything that happens in our life, be it good or bad. For now just wait and  have faith that one day all this that we go through would make sense. Till then makes peace with what is happening.

To simply say....when we notice the smile on the face of a special child and when we feel the smile within us, that's what makes sense, that's what makes it worth to put the extra effort that we always wanted to put forth.

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It's Just a decision.......

Staring through the window...I could see some children playing on the terrace. Their laughter, their giggling was infectious. Had a moment with myself and realized it would be simply great to play with them, but knew that it ain't possible now. Too many things going on at the same time and yet feeling absolutely blissful. But for now I got my attention back to my friend who was sitting right besides, smiling and beaming with pride. What one fine decision can make a difference to one's life.

It's just a decision .....but somewhere we have to take the decision, however tough, however uncomfortable it may sound, or make us believe. The decisions have to made, when life puts facts in front of us and yet we choose to continue in the same direction where we see no respite. Somewhere that leads us to the edge and makes us take that one decision that changes our life forever. I cannot say for better or worse. But the fact is, that once we take the decision, we know its the best for us. Tough decisions are never easy, but it's usually the mind that makes the decision look tough. It's only a decision, but when we give names it acquires a different meaning and that puts us in a fix.

Why is it so tough to take that one decision in the first place, is it  the meaning that we give to a particular incident, to a particular person, a particular object that makes the decision tough to take. For some the hope, for some the indecisiveness , for some the fear of the inevitable,  for some the letting go, for some the comfort zone.....these things just delay the process in our lives, they act as blockages and Unless we remove these blockages we are stuck in the rut for a very long time. It's just a decision.....but nonetheless a decision, that relieves us from the make believe world that we pretend to see, it makes us see the reality as it is. A sense of freedom, a sense of making it ahead, a sense of looking forward to a more better life.

And as I looked at my friend once again, I knew it so well, the smile had just come back. All along he had pretended everything was going on well, but I knew something was amiss...his laughter never reached his eyes. But just a single decision of his, did wonders to his life . For now I was simply being a witness to this miracle of God in front of me.!

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A Blissful State.......

When the sun shines, it shines for everyone. This is the exact feeling I have now, through it has been pouring heavily since morning. The wet weather didn't dampen the glowing radiance I felt, in the midst of this downpour.

The mind is calmer, gentler as usual. The thoughts keep coming in , occupying the mind when I give importance to them. There is peace within and am sensing the warm glowing radiance around me as if the sun rays have swept the room. A blissful state, a state where everything seems possible, everything looks beautiful, everything around is just the way it needs to be.

A Perrrrrrrrrfect life....it can't get better than this. And with the tap of the two fingers, one can get into this blissful state anytime. It's like being in trance, one can hear the echo, that comes from within. The silence is experienced at the core of our being. This state of blissfulness can be easily activated, but it's important to want this state at all cost. Its all about focusing attention to things we perceive as good, blissful. and in that state anything is achievable anything is possible.

The question is how badly do we want to get into this state. The daily nitty-gritty, can get under our skin and make us drift away from where we would want to be. For some getting out of a tough moment, be it with a loved one or be it at the work place, be it with a friend...is simply an ordeal. The tape is getting played in the head, re-winded again and again. So when do we put a finger on the stop button. It ain't easy to do that, cause the more we want to do it, the more we want to feel right about what happened or feel sorry for our state. Yes, acknowledgement is important to understand what one goes through and make sense of all that is happening. But what if we continue to be in state of wanting to be right at all time or feeling sorry. Does it really help....No it might just help us to feel Ok for some time and then what.

A blissful state is a way of life, nothing affects us as long as we are in that state. Even the ironies that we come across, seem fine..cause the mind is calmer, the mind thinks from a state of calmness. It guides us to a better us, there is no reaction, there are no outburst, there is only bliss. A child like state, where everything we perceive just as it is, nothing is expected to change, nothing is wanted more than being in that moment of bliss...be it playing with our buddies, or all alone playing with a toy, or just being in the arms of the mother.

A gift of acceptance, a gift of peace...is what this bliss is all about. 

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Letting Go.......

It's been a  different day today...it began on a good note.....all things were going well and suddenly there was that call. My heart just sank for few mins. And once again my thoughts just went through a distant flashback. I knew exactly what the person at the other end must be feeling. I have experienced the same feeling and countless times. And for this one moment I wished and asked myself how long is long, is there no end to what misery someone puts oneself through. I asked myself, what next, what would it take to make things work. or is there nothing left to work. what would be the appropriate approach to this mess. Will this ever end and I don't mean the end of this world. . How long can one be at the receiving end all the time , Is there no respite to what a person goes through. Constant abuse...abuse of any kind and it simply goes on...just because someone else decides to put the blame ..And all one is left with searching a solution and that too as quickly as possible...lest the time slips away . Just blanks out...and what we are left is the moment that is there and only think about what the next step will be. 

How much do people suffer all the time..with their expectations, the expectations sky-rocket and then the disappointments just follow. And how well do people handle disappointments. Not well. Anger, hatred, jealousy, shame, guilt and more important a deep fear. A fear that can be so crippling , that to come out of it would require a lot of effort of the person. what will happen now? is this the end of my dream that I had earlier and began working on it. What will people think? how can I go back to something that I left long time. This even leads at times to the blame game and it's rampant, no stopping and when this happens.....one can be sure that no constructive solution can ever make its way up to solve the issue that happened in the first place. 

There is no forgiveness  of any kind to someone who might have sinned unintentionally or intentionally . Is there nothing in this world that cant be forgiven or healed. Why so much bitterness in life....its not just for others, but what it does to oneself....its total misery, so much suffering is unnecessary and at what cost. It only messes up the beautiful life that once was. How long will one continue this life, with no forgiveness, with fear all the time, with blame for everything that ever happened.

Healing and acceptance happens only when we let go of the pain, the misery, the disappointments that happened.in the past and the present...and its not letting go of someone we loved. Its beyond that...when one let go of something, its actually a freedom of our self. 

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At Peace..........

It was the umpteenth call of the day and as I kept the receiver down. For a moment, I glanced on the open page in my diary and turned few pages back. The one thing that I noticed...every call, every session that I have taken till date...all of them, the people wanting to find solace in their lives. Everybody needs peace in their lives and in some way they aspire everyday that the healing happens and they are at peace with themselves. Issues keep arising, and an assurance at that moment gives us the peace that we have been looking at. But this can be a temporary relief and we come back to the same feeling of uneasiness  and wanting peace, searching frantically for the answers. There are scars, which run deeper than what we see on the surface and it takes time to heal. And when the healing does happen , then the Peace simply follows.

There are countless issues everyone tackles all through out and need the much awaited healing...Just a touch , a small gesture, a hug, a I-Care is enough to start the process of healing. But even this process gets delayed....the waiting, the apprehension, that one call, that one project, that one smile, that one yes, that one report, that one moment, that one deal, that one person.........it simply is endless. This follow with misery and it takes a while to come out. For some the heart breaks, the financial losses, the deteriorating health, the unexpected accident, relationship gone sore etc......can put them into a never ending spin in a deep abyss. and this leads to unresolved feelings of  sadness, anger, resentment or un-forgiveness.

The things that we aspire other than being successful, is respect, appreciation , acknowledgement ( the list is endless) for the effort that we put in..for what we believe in and yet even with all this we ain't happy , there's too much of misery going on . The journey isn't going the way we want it to go at times. Questions that most ask is " how do I live in a world, when things happen which I cant control?" " how can I find peace when I do things that I don't want to do or don't do thing that I want to do?" "how do I make someone love me the way I love the person?"...."would I be ever happy in this life?" would he/she be able to manage without me?"

If we only notice and see that with every step , in every moment of our life...there is always a healing that is  already taking place , already happening without our knowledge. It is the support that comes along in the guise of a friend, of a parent, of a tangible thing that leads us to what we are aspiring to have, it is the acceptance of the situation as it is and dealing with it in a way that helps the process of healing to happen, it is our attitude, that gets us through this journey. We can still do a lot, there's always a turn somewhere for the good, there is always something that can lift our spirits high up..be it music, be it a sport, be it a call from a distant friend, be it an article that catches our attention, be it the soft touch of our little one..tapping our cheek. Yes, this isn't the solution to the issues that we face, but yes..if we only look at these small little miracles that keep happening that will definitely lead us to the peace we have always wanting to experience. The calmness that is felt in these moments is what  Peace is all about.  And it is during these moments of peace, we just get our wishes, our desires granted.The unexpected just happens only in the moments of such wonderful peace.

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The Crux of a relationship.........

What is it in a relationship? Our world is centered around being in relationships. Just today while talking to a friend of mine...he said something so beautiful " what counts in today's time is relations with everyone".  By relationship....I mean any kind of relationship, be it between mother -daughter, father -son, parents and their children, brother - sister relationships , love relations, friendships, online relationships, new acquaintances , relationships between spouses, between partners...even the relationships that we maintain at work etc.....

And what does it take to make a relationship work lot of things...to start with ....there is love, commitment, values, views, emotional support , moral support, etc. Sharing our lives, our time, sharing our happiness, sorrows, and much more that we are willing to give. We are looking for love, support, the warmth, the understanding, the guidance, the nurture , the acceptance of the way we are and not to forget the security in the relationship which we have. But the most basic of them is the belief in the importance of the relationship.

When we are in love relationship , we try to seek love, care, affection from our loving partner or from parent or children. With time, we simply get attached to the person , it is the feeling that gives us this deep attachment, that's why heart breaks are unbearable. The thought of not being with a person, the thought of missing the person, becomes difficult to live with.

There are some relationships, that come at a time when things are not running smooth in our live. Its in times like these we need that one person who we can rely on, whom we can share what we want, without fearing being judged. This is an emotional relationship that exists in everyone's life. Just a look into our eyes, they would understand what our soul is going through. We don't have to tell them anything, its understood. This kind of relationship happen only with few, not with everyone we meet.

There are some relationship, just the presence around gives us enough courage to take the next step in our lives. I remember an incident that happened way back..it was my first instance of descending stairs with the help of crutches. I had the three most beautiful loving people of my life standing besides me to take the plunge. I shared the love relation with all of them, but still I couldnt take the next step. The fear had struck me. It is then that I looked up and I could see that with one of them I not only had the love relationship, but also had feeling of being supported morally. I could simply trust and just take the plunge. These relationships rely more on positive vibes, a sense of courage and something that takes us forward in life.

There are some whom we meet, who makes us feel good, they just simply pass our time, just as if we are hanging out. An entertainment of sorts...they are just there for the moment, its like looking out of the window and watching the scene in front of us move by...it just passes. By the time we are able to understand or relate,  the scene has already shifted. But nevertheless they add something to our lives, even though for few minutes.

The crux of a relationship, lies in the purpose of being in a relationship. So when in relationship do we expect others to fulfill our purpose or do we give ourselves in a relationship. How many of us are really , genuinely interested in giving, or being there in a relationship. Or are we giving something with the intention of getting something back. Do our needs , constantly needs to be fulfilled by the other person. Is there any kind of selfless relationship that one can expect.

Relationships are meant to be respected, cared, loved ..so don't expect anything rather give what you might expect in a relationship

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The Paradox in love......

Love is wonderful, all encompassing,beautiful. There is nothing as beautiful as love. Love makes the world a happier place. The feeling of oneness with the other person that we are in love with is amazing, there are no limitations,no boundaries. It's pure and sacred, when it is so heart felt. Love is what we are , its just there in us. We are not taught how to love..it is there in itself. Yet there is a Paradox, that arises time and again, it is not just in the imaginary mind. It's an action that needs to be expressed. "I love You" the three most  beautiful words that we hear or say to someone, but is that enough. It's in the action that one means, what one feels. There needs to be some kind of communication of action registered. Then its love.

We may do things to gain approval in love.We may come to them with open hearts and open arms stretched to feel the oneness, but is it expressed with the same intensity from them. Most of us, are wanting to express and feel the tenderness in love.. It's this feeling, this tenderness, is it being valued, cared, respected when all we want is to give the love that is within us. What we feel deep within, is what we express, is the other person listening to what we have to say , the willingness to be there, willingness to take the next step along with us.

The dwelling of love is within, but who we try to seek the love with, depends on the person who is in space to receive love. If the other person is not in the space to receive , then how will he or she be able to reciprocate in the same intensity. We speak of unconditional love, and expect the other to love us unconditionally, but how do we know that. If we love someone with the intention to be loved, then that is not loving unconditional it is in fact conditional love.

In today's time , there is an undue advantage taken of innocent love just for unnecessary quest for vain glory. It's so much easy to preach, write, and sing love, but it's impossible to live it. Some of them have reduced love to fabricated words in cards, plastic flower, premeditated online chats , or simply giving gifts to get the love...etc....And in turn they have successfully manipulated the one gift that God gave to mankind- LOVE.

The irrational beliefs,take its toll on the relationship that is beautiful, beliefs like", "living and loving are two different things" etc....countless thoughts keep getting justified in the name of manipulating the very own beautiful gift of love . Inaction in the face of a challenge, leads to lot of pain and suffering. The quest of selfish demands, have managed to disregard the importance of true love in one's life.

The breakdowns of communication, the lost of trust, the strong disagreements, the day to day tensions. Inside we cry out for that wonderful love to be restored, but often we find it so hard to find words or the actions to fully express our desires. Our heartaches, we cry, get angry, withdraw, feel rejected, and it is at moment like this when we honestly share that our love is the most important thing and not an issue, that we begin to communicate. In this process,we have learnt more of giving self above our personal opinion. This is the union for true love, but who has the patience, very easily one gives up.

As Shakespeare said in one of his sonnet  - " Admit impediments. love is not love : Which alters when its alteration find, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever -fixed mark........"It is when we care for the other, a bit more than we care for ourselves. But in order to love that other, we must first love ourselves . If love is true, the answer appears and we'll find two can be one and be whole.

Love heals, Love hurts
Love starts, Love ends
Love provides, love takes
Love is when we put others before us.

I have known and experienced every one of the above paradoxes and probably could re-write this after experiencing them all over again.

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Dew drop on a leaf!

As Socrates said  "mans life is like drop of a dew on a leaf" . The leaf in that moment is the support, without which the dew drop would fall to the ground, and escape our eyes. It is the same with our existence in life, when things seem uncertain, we rarely think about what life is actually offering us. And here I was sitting on my chair for a while now, the tea had gone cold. My friend was sitting right across.  At the moment, she seemed more anxious than I ever had seen before. Lot of things going on in her mind, and she was finding it tough to cope with it. Her brows seemed a little tensed and stretched....yet she looked pretty even in this. I felt the urge to touch her forehead and calm her mind, but I stopped myself and got my attention back to what she was saying and let her speak. 

When in despair, the entire world looks alien or distant. and it is at moment like these, one needs someone to confide into. Thoughts like "I don't know what to do?" , " if I could just get more love, more understanding from my family, if just one person adored me, I wouldn't be so anxious and could count myself supported".  Just pause for a moment, and think . Every single person around is supporting us in some way or the other, and even when the support isn't felt the way we need it to feel. It is making us be the person we intended to be.

When things get tough, there are many avenues that open, we just have to be alert and be available. Its never the end, we think it is, but it isn't like that. Just look around.....even the person walking on the road, is supporting us in some way...he might be working for a company that supplies us our daily network. The chair that we sit on , the bed that we lie on, the music that we listen are all part of our support system.  Even the universe is playing its part, the sun always rises, the moon always sets in...we have our day and night and that too everyday. Isn't that a support! Why not feel supported, irrespective of what life is at the moment. Its that simply, count the blessing all around and the world will manifest in itself. Even the tough life that we go through, is an indicator of what we are capable of doing with limited support.

Next time look at the dew drop, and when it fall off the leaf and hits the ground....see the way  it mounts on sunbeams to the sky!

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A Place revisited again.....

While waking up in the morning today, I felt the air smell of burning dried grass. Somewhere around the window, I could see the smoke, a little misty out there, and yes...it reminded me of my childhood times, when this smokey atmosphere would fill the morning air. The bare feet walk on the man made path, feeling the roughness of the stones touching the heels along with the softness of the red soil, which added comfort to my sore heels and the process of a long walk didn't bother. Tiptoeing  outside the house and hurrying up as fast as I could, less I wake up my parents in the process of reaching a small hillock that was closer to our house.

There was a quaintness in the surrounding, the sound of the birds chirping in the distant. And with the trudging of the bullock cart on the road, along with the sweet sound of the cow bells, simply magical to the ears and the view still treasured till date. Lined up on either side of this path that led to the hillock, were few bungalows. Some of them had thatched roofs, and most of them had terracotta tiles gracing their corridor floor up till their fences, with cute little gardens in front of their porches. There was one particular house that I fancied, it had long steep stairs. And once you reached the top of the stairs ..it was a passage of sorts that stretched a little longer. Along the passage, there were three very small  windows with few doors..you can just barely enter with tucking your head in, so that you don't bump yourself  up. And then as you reached the end of the passage, it had a similar exit. Remember taking up these stair whenever I passed along this path towards the hillock.

Just a  little ahead, was a cow shed , there were leaves and some grass left burning around, the smoke filling in the early morning air . I knew what I was expecting all along through what I knew was awaiting me on the hillock. All green to the core, giving it the scent and feel of refreshment. Luscious , green paddy fields, stretched in front as long as I could take in the view. There was so much peace and quietness in the vicinity of this small hillock. Faintly hearing the cow bells in the distance, coming up the hillock and grazing to their hearts content. Few villagers sat under the shade of a gigantic tree. So picturesque, and musical for me. I can still feel being in the presence of that beautiful place I visited as a child. it feels as though am listening to the flute in the background. The calmness still edged in the mind. And in that calmness, I heard someone calling my name, and as I turned back I saw my sister coming up the hillock. And I knew, we had very little time to be up the hill. We frolicked around for a while and then grudgingly left this beautiful place.

The cell rang, and my trance was broken. I didn't pick up the call, just left it at that. A mere smoke in the air, took me back to one of my favorite places I visited as a child. I wonder how would it be now, the hillock! A place so so beautiful.....so musical is the feeling, it makes me want to go back to the place again. 

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The Moment that IS......

It's one of those days, simply ecstatic. There's so much joy, the moment has been beautiful..so much fun. I don't know if I would be able to put it down. Its usually the thought behind the action, the unspoken words, or the hint behind the statement or sometimes the intended pun that makes all the difference. And there are people who do it in a subtle way, and unless one is alert, It can simply skip and just pass away. And when in moment, in the moment of the simplicity , one just says what the heart feels. It is these moment, it is the truth in these moments, that holds a special place in all the moments that we experience in our lives.

It's not what has been said that holds the key, it is the faith with which it comes out, it is the trust that just makes a simple, selfless moment so beautiful. There's a slight twinkle in the eyes, a giggle of sorts, that tells you more about how it had been.  And it is at this moment, you exactly feel the way it has been. There's a certain kind of joy in listening to these special moments, and feel privileged for the same. Countless moments like these makes one feel the simplicity that is still there intact , just as it was meant to be. Even with the complexities that hover around us, it is moments like these that bring smile and so much joy.

We have been having guests for a while at our end and on one such occasion I met a nice old gentleman,with a robust personality, having a wonderful smile. The ambiance was perfect for some soft music to be played in the background. So we put some nice old classic songs. Melodious " dil mein sama gaye sajan" ,  " khayalon mein kisi ke isi terah aaya nahi karte" or "unse pyaar ho gaya"...."do din ke liye mehman". It was a treat for the ears. I can simply go on and on. At the same time I was observing the rest in the room , all relaxed and enjoying the moment. Right beside me, I noticed the Old gentleman , with his eyes closed and deeply engrossed in the music that was playing. How wonderful he looked, relaxed and it made me think that I need to relax more and simply enjoy than worry about things happening around me at times.

Suddenly a song played, he simply turned around and said " aha! what a beautiful song, and I have had a wonderful moment related to this song". I looked a little quizzically , he smiled one more time...and said ' I cant share, with so many around...but it was a lovely moment". His smile remained intact throughout the song. He didn't have to mention,  I knew,  it must have been a magical moment with his childhood sweetheart. The heart still beats with the same fervor , as if the moment is right there and one is re-living the same moment again. A song triggering a wonderful moment as it was back then. The memories come gushing in , and one feels elated, contended and too happy. The feeling of that moment is breathtaking, nostalgic and one feels grateful for the fact that at-least it was a part of their life. Such is the beauty of these moments, which get treasured in our hearts forever.

Its there, all we have to do is  just tune in to that station to get the moment again. 

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The beauty of a Full Stop.

While going through the page, I noticed the child had missed writing a few full-stops. And it is this that got me thinking, the beauty of a Full Stop. Its simply a dot at the end of a sentence, but without which the sentence remains incomplete, it wouldn't make sense or makes it inappropriate to a larger extent. And at times we do end up using different types conjunctions like "and, or, nor, but, because, after all, hence, otherwise" etc and making the sentence seem like a paragraph. Hey!..I almost forgot the word "IF". A full stop gives meaning to a sentence.It's only an end to start something afresh, to begin new. But its very important that we do use it at all times when required. 

Similarly , how often do we put full stops in our lives, when it is required.  There are so many 'buts', 'If''s' and 'Only if's' and these are never ending. Every corner of our life, we have to deal with it, be it in relationships, work , health and it goes on and on. I get countless calls from people who need help, for wanting to change something in their lives, feeling stuck in a relationship, wanting the relationship to move further, wanting to take care of their health- but finding no time. 

Yes, prayer and faith heals and sorts everything in life, but one needs to do some work. Ask the mind, to take some action, otherwise one will feel miserable all the while. What would it take to simply say whats going on in our mind for such a long time or for that matter what would it take to simply stop an abusive relationship or what would it take to simply say a "No" to a pizza. Somewhere we have to put a full stop and start taking actions to change our life for the better..Why do we need to stay stuck in a rut, just because we owe something to a person, to a place or even to ourselves just because we are emotionally connected. 

We rarely do that , we simply just carry on and on, hoping for things to work, hoping that others would simply understand. Its all right to hope, wish and dream. But some where we need to just step back and think, what is it that's bothering us. There has got to be something, that we simply don't feel right about, we don't feel good about how things are shaping up in our lives. It is this SELF, that we need to take care, not to end something, but to stop something that doesn't allow us to be the person we are meant to be. The mind plays a tape and Say's " hey... don't you feel it was otherwise, what am I getting out of this and how long am I going to keep trying,  why am I feeling so used, why are you doing this, why am I just not saying, why can't I  just say stop".  

When this perception of ourselves gets deflected, it is time to step up a little bit and simply put a full stop. A full stop to all the nonsense, the hypocrisy, the cheating , emotional blackmail etc...Anything that doesn't allow the freedom to express oneself, to value what we believe in..is something that we really need to give a thought. And Once we do put a full stop, we experience the real freedom. A new beginning that adds meaning to life, respect to oneself and the process of loving the SELF occurs. 

There's a price we pay, when we delay these full stops in our lives. Mine just came a second too late, but  I hope you do put the full stops, when it is really needed. With a Full Stop there is a sense of completion to begin  or to write something new . And it is just not to start afresh but also to add a new meaning to the previous sentence. 

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The View from my Window......

There is a slight ruffle on one of  the branches outside my window. A bird is perched and moving along the branch ...its the Fantail flycatcher again. And I realized have been been watching this bird for a very long time now.  Earlier in the week I did wonder which bird is this...thought it was the chimney but on closer look ..got to know it was the fantail..usually found in the tropical areas in Asia. The weather is nice , with the summer breeze flowing through (yes! even during the rains..its still the summer here).The branches swaying in the breeze ..and so is the Fantail. Wonder how the Fantail is feeling at the moment...the breeze flowing through its feathers and moving its beautiful tail.

It has started raining and the leaves along with the fantail is getting soaked in the warm water of the rains.The huge mango tree with its branches spread out looks fresh and clean . The sky is looking grey-er , and I wish it remains like this throughout the day.Simply,  love the grey look...gives a mystical  feeling to the surrounding. Sitting on the bed, looking at the window..to this world outside.There is a sense of liveliness around, more than before or is it just me who's feeling like that ..I guess so! This is the view from my window, the only view that I have of the outer world at present. Every window is not just a window to the outside world, its a window to our inner world, a world only we know so well. Our feelings, our emotions are deeply locked inside us....its when we look outside, its not what we see that makes us feel good, its what we feel within us, how we perceive things the way they are around us that makes the difference. The window is just a thing, a structure, an object, through which we see the outside world. But the inner world is the one, that makes us feel what we feel truly about everything in Life. It is this window that we need to open , to discover ourselves , to discover what is that makes us feel good, makes us feel happy in life, even discover things that we truly don't understand about ourselves.

A chat with friends in a coffee shop, a call from a loved one, a job well done,  seeing the happiness on our child's face all these things makes our world beautiful. Life becomes dependent on others happiness and yes we feel good too..so how long are we able to sustain this feel good experience or moment as we call it. The sunrise makes us feel elated and happy and full of hope, but if we are not feeling good within, even the sunrise can't do wonders to our soul..Its never out there, its always in us,..to try to find the happiness within.  It is this window that am talking about. But very rarely we see this inner window. As I look through the window of my house, I also notice the window pane and the window sill. And a thought passes....how can I make it look more interesting. Its all up to me  to do the necessary changes. And with the inner window, its all up to me, to create a beautiful world, the presence of which I feel within .

So dear what's the view through your window?

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The Unknown world.....

It was already 11am, they would be here any moment. I had got a call earlier this week that there is a special child who needs help. I didn't have much information about the child, though I did wonder which category the child would fit in. I needed to meet him first. 

Since my mobility is restricted to moving very little in the house with the crutches, wishing they wouldn't see me in this condition Sigh!...I heard the doorbell, and carefully opened the door. I saw him standing behind his mother.  . He seemed slightly excited, and looked eager to come inside. As I greeted both of them, he quickly came inside and sat across me and started fidgeting with his hands and slowly kept moving up and down the sofa . I knew the issue , but I wanted to know what the parent had to say. Its important to understand, what they feel being a parent to a special need child and what they are doing about it and how they are coping with this issue.

Little Mayank has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, which they got to know few years back. His behavior was very distinct, he was bouncing up and down the sofa, very excited , banging his head on the sofa at regular intervals and making loud noises. For a parent or teacher it's tough task to comprehend what goes inside the mind of a child, a child with autism. Its not easy to understand, but the child needs to make efforts to express what he or she feels. Its a lot of hard work put in by the parents , the therapist and the teachers and with their support the child gradually starts learning. These special kids have an amazing IQ's.

Sitting beside me was a concerned mother and who was feeling a little too overwhelmed by everything that she was dealing at present in her life. The first thought of a parent is how will the child cope up in this world. Would he able to survive, will someone will be able to take care of him/her. How would the child live life without them. All that matters to the parents is, the child be able to look after himself. And then Mayanks mother said " I have done what I could and am still doing. But I genuinely need someone to guide me, help me, take my child and get him connected to the emotions that he feels and which he is unable to communicate as there isnt any speech or words with which he can express...his training has been delayed ". The irony being, children with autism are unable to share their emotions, feeling and most of them have speech impairment..so how do they express themselves in words.  All I wanted to was to give this mother an assurance that all will be well one day, which I did.

Autism is the presence of a distinctive impairment in the nature and quality of social and communicative development. Their impairment distinguishes them from other neuro-developmental disorders as well. These children are distinct than children with mental retardation  their distinction lies in their impairment of social communicative development. These children are rarely like other children. They often want to be left alone to play on their own. They observe, imitate, approach and interact with their age mates less than their developing peers. They either engage themselves in one sided physical or scripted play or respond solely to adults.They are great at classification and categorization. For eg. if you hand them a random list of things having some similarities in their attribute, a child with autism can easily categorize then in one group.

By this time mayank had come and sat besides me, wanted to gain my approval in the first instance. These small gestures help them to convey what they want from us. But this a learnt behavior, they don't do it with every person they meet. Most of their behavior is learnt through reward pattern. They are made to do a certain task and then rewarded once the task is accomplished. I looked at him and decided I needed to start the sessions at the earliest. It was time for them to leave. As Mayank's  mom stood up, I saw  her eyes were moist and she told me " families are also made in heaven, what we get in life is so precious. People used to envy the way I brought up my kids. But with the birth of my third child (suffering with autism). The pride that I had, just went away. Am doing my best for my child, but somehow the reality dawned there isn't any prefect family.." .For a moment I was speechless.To see your own child going through the pain, its one of the painful realities of life for any parent. And I realized this has been the sole reason for why I got into helping kids with special needs.

This is  life...the karmic connection are there for us to sort in this life...and learn and endure what we can do about the present situation.On a good note...here are some of the people who have had autism or autism characteristics ...Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Beethovan, Mozart to name a few. If they could conquer their disorder, why not anyone with this disorder. 

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