Making sense......

Making sense of it all......it takes a while to understand things, understand life, understand people around and more importantly to understand oneself. Life.....it takes an effort to understand , and yes it is still so beautiful even with all that happens around us, irrespective of whatever happens. But thinking too much just takes away the beauty that is there to experience, even when it is very tough. 

For most around , life isn't what it's meant to be. So many wishes, desires, expectations etc...the list is endless and that's one of the reason to feel the misery in one's life.  What would you say to a child born with a fatal disorder that can't be cured. Did the child deserve this, No he didn't and no one  deserves to go through such  pain and suffering at the same time. And yet we feel that we have so much less in our life . Just ponder over this thought, even in this state the child has been provided with some support in the form of a wonderful family, a lovely sibling to hang around. Similarly we are always taken care of even in the moments of despair that we go through. 

An upset, a deal not done , a waiting that's really testing our patience, a health that is taking a longer time to heal and etc....countless and never ending issues. Questions like" how long will this continue" or " why me" or " would I really have peace" or " when would I be able to get out of this situation" . Wouldn't it be wonderful if we just get some answers to the why's , the when's in our life. Life without the why's and when's would be a wonderful life actually.  Imagine, everything happening the way we wanted it, getting everything we ever asked for, all dreams coming true, all wishes granted. Aha! what a blissful life would that be. But I bet, it would definitely lack luster, that we have in our lives at present.

It's overwhelming most of the time, the waiting can get on our nerves, the answers don't come and we search here and there for the right answer. And yet, it doesn't come...and I have no answer but I know exactly how you feeling at this moment, whats going on in your mind. I can feel the pain. But know one thing is all will be fine one day and all is perfect the way it is at the moment. When you accept the reality the way it is, it all starts making sense. Its really very simple, cause in that moment we understand that our choices, our decisions have brought us to where we are at the moment. Just be thankful, at least there is a realization that we are responsible for everything that happens in our life, be it good or bad. For now just wait and  have faith that one day all this that we go through would make sense. Till then makes peace with what is happening.

To simply say....when we notice the smile on the face of a special child and when we feel the smile within us, that's what makes sense, that's what makes it worth to put the extra effort that we always wanted to put forth.

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It's Just a decision.......

Staring through the window...I could see some children playing on the terrace. Their laughter, their giggling was infectious. Had a moment with myself and realized it would be simply great to play with them, but knew that it ain't possible now. Too many things going on at the same time and yet feeling absolutely blissful. But for now I got my attention back to my friend who was sitting right besides, smiling and beaming with pride. What one fine decision can make a difference to one's life.

It's just a decision .....but somewhere we have to take the decision, however tough, however uncomfortable it may sound, or make us believe. The decisions have to made, when life puts facts in front of us and yet we choose to continue in the same direction where we see no respite. Somewhere that leads us to the edge and makes us take that one decision that changes our life forever. I cannot say for better or worse. But the fact is, that once we take the decision, we know its the best for us. Tough decisions are never easy, but it's usually the mind that makes the decision look tough. It's only a decision, but when we give names it acquires a different meaning and that puts us in a fix.

Why is it so tough to take that one decision in the first place, is it  the meaning that we give to a particular incident, to a particular person, a particular object that makes the decision tough to take. For some the hope, for some the indecisiveness , for some the fear of the inevitable,  for some the letting go, for some the comfort zone.....these things just delay the process in our lives, they act as blockages and Unless we remove these blockages we are stuck in the rut for a very long time. It's just a decision.....but nonetheless a decision, that relieves us from the make believe world that we pretend to see, it makes us see the reality as it is. A sense of freedom, a sense of making it ahead, a sense of looking forward to a more better life.

And as I looked at my friend once again, I knew it so well, the smile had just come back. All along he had pretended everything was going on well, but I knew something was amiss...his laughter never reached his eyes. But just a single decision of his, did wonders to his life . For now I was simply being a witness to this miracle of God in front of me.!

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A Blissful State.......

When the sun shines, it shines for everyone. This is the exact feeling I have now, through it has been pouring heavily since morning. The wet weather didn't dampen the glowing radiance I felt, in the midst of this downpour.

The mind is calmer, gentler as usual. The thoughts keep coming in , occupying the mind when I give importance to them. There is peace within and am sensing the warm glowing radiance around me as if the sun rays have swept the room. A blissful state, a state where everything seems possible, everything looks beautiful, everything around is just the way it needs to be.

A Perrrrrrrrrfect life....it can't get better than this. And with the tap of the two fingers, one can get into this blissful state anytime. It's like being in trance, one can hear the echo, that comes from within. The silence is experienced at the core of our being. This state of blissfulness can be easily activated, but it's important to want this state at all cost. Its all about focusing attention to things we perceive as good, blissful. and in that state anything is achievable anything is possible.

The question is how badly do we want to get into this state. The daily nitty-gritty, can get under our skin and make us drift away from where we would want to be. For some getting out of a tough moment, be it with a loved one or be it at the work place, be it with a friend...is simply an ordeal. The tape is getting played in the head, re-winded again and again. So when do we put a finger on the stop button. It ain't easy to do that, cause the more we want to do it, the more we want to feel right about what happened or feel sorry for our state. Yes, acknowledgement is important to understand what one goes through and make sense of all that is happening. But what if we continue to be in state of wanting to be right at all time or feeling sorry. Does it really help....No it might just help us to feel Ok for some time and then what.

A blissful state is a way of life, nothing affects us as long as we are in that state. Even the ironies that we come across, seem fine..cause the mind is calmer, the mind thinks from a state of calmness. It guides us to a better us, there is no reaction, there are no outburst, there is only bliss. A child like state, where everything we perceive just as it is, nothing is expected to change, nothing is wanted more than being in that moment of bliss...be it playing with our buddies, or all alone playing with a toy, or just being in the arms of the mother.

A gift of acceptance, a gift of peace...is what this bliss is all about. 

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Letting Go.......

It's been a  different day today...it began on a good note.....all things were going well and suddenly there was that call. My heart just sank for few mins. And once again my thoughts just went through a distant flashback. I knew exactly what the person at the other end must be feeling. I have experienced the same feeling and countless times. And for this one moment I wished and asked myself how long is long, is there no end to what misery someone puts oneself through. I asked myself, what next, what would it take to make things work. or is there nothing left to work. what would be the appropriate approach to this mess. Will this ever end and I don't mean the end of this world. . How long can one be at the receiving end all the time , Is there no respite to what a person goes through. Constant abuse...abuse of any kind and it simply goes on...just because someone else decides to put the blame ..And all one is left with searching a solution and that too as quickly as possible...lest the time slips away . Just blanks out...and what we are left is the moment that is there and only think about what the next step will be. 

How much do people suffer all the time..with their expectations, the expectations sky-rocket and then the disappointments just follow. And how well do people handle disappointments. Not well. Anger, hatred, jealousy, shame, guilt and more important a deep fear. A fear that can be so crippling , that to come out of it would require a lot of effort of the person. what will happen now? is this the end of my dream that I had earlier and began working on it. What will people think? how can I go back to something that I left long time. This even leads at times to the blame game and it's rampant, no stopping and when this happens.....one can be sure that no constructive solution can ever make its way up to solve the issue that happened in the first place. 

There is no forgiveness  of any kind to someone who might have sinned unintentionally or intentionally . Is there nothing in this world that cant be forgiven or healed. Why so much bitterness in life....its not just for others, but what it does to oneself....its total misery, so much suffering is unnecessary and at what cost. It only messes up the beautiful life that once was. How long will one continue this life, with no forgiveness, with fear all the time, with blame for everything that ever happened.

Healing and acceptance happens only when we let go of the pain, the misery, the disappointments that happened.in the past and the present...and its not letting go of someone we loved. Its beyond that...when one let go of something, its actually a freedom of our self. 

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At Peace..........

It was the umpteenth call of the day and as I kept the receiver down. For a moment, I glanced on the open page in my diary and turned few pages back. The one thing that I noticed...every call, every session that I have taken till date...all of them, the people wanting to find solace in their lives. Everybody needs peace in their lives and in some way they aspire everyday that the healing happens and they are at peace with themselves. Issues keep arising, and an assurance at that moment gives us the peace that we have been looking at. But this can be a temporary relief and we come back to the same feeling of uneasiness  and wanting peace, searching frantically for the answers. There are scars, which run deeper than what we see on the surface and it takes time to heal. And when the healing does happen , then the Peace simply follows.

There are countless issues everyone tackles all through out and need the much awaited healing...Just a touch , a small gesture, a hug, a I-Care is enough to start the process of healing. But even this process gets delayed....the waiting, the apprehension, that one call, that one project, that one smile, that one yes, that one report, that one moment, that one deal, that one person.........it simply is endless. This follow with misery and it takes a while to come out. For some the heart breaks, the financial losses, the deteriorating health, the unexpected accident, relationship gone sore etc......can put them into a never ending spin in a deep abyss. and this leads to unresolved feelings of  sadness, anger, resentment or un-forgiveness.

The things that we aspire other than being successful, is respect, appreciation , acknowledgement ( the list is endless) for the effort that we put in..for what we believe in and yet even with all this we ain't happy , there's too much of misery going on . The journey isn't going the way we want it to go at times. Questions that most ask is " how do I live in a world, when things happen which I cant control?" " how can I find peace when I do things that I don't want to do or don't do thing that I want to do?" "how do I make someone love me the way I love the person?"...."would I be ever happy in this life?" would he/she be able to manage without me?"

If we only notice and see that with every step , in every moment of our life...there is always a healing that is  already taking place , already happening without our knowledge. It is the support that comes along in the guise of a friend, of a parent, of a tangible thing that leads us to what we are aspiring to have, it is the acceptance of the situation as it is and dealing with it in a way that helps the process of healing to happen, it is our attitude, that gets us through this journey. We can still do a lot, there's always a turn somewhere for the good, there is always something that can lift our spirits high up..be it music, be it a sport, be it a call from a distant friend, be it an article that catches our attention, be it the soft touch of our little one..tapping our cheek. Yes, this isn't the solution to the issues that we face, but yes..if we only look at these small little miracles that keep happening that will definitely lead us to the peace we have always wanting to experience. The calmness that is felt in these moments is what  Peace is all about.  And it is during these moments of peace, we just get our wishes, our desires granted.The unexpected just happens only in the moments of such wonderful peace.

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The Crux of a relationship.........

What is it in a relationship? Our world is centered around being in relationships. Just today while talking to a friend of mine...he said something so beautiful " what counts in today's time is relations with everyone".  By relationship....I mean any kind of relationship, be it between mother -daughter, father -son, parents and their children, brother - sister relationships , love relations, friendships, online relationships, new acquaintances , relationships between spouses, between partners...even the relationships that we maintain at work etc.....

And what does it take to make a relationship work lot of things...to start with ....there is love, commitment, values, views, emotional support , moral support, etc. Sharing our lives, our time, sharing our happiness, sorrows, and much more that we are willing to give. We are looking for love, support, the warmth, the understanding, the guidance, the nurture , the acceptance of the way we are and not to forget the security in the relationship which we have. But the most basic of them is the belief in the importance of the relationship.

When we are in love relationship , we try to seek love, care, affection from our loving partner or from parent or children. With time, we simply get attached to the person , it is the feeling that gives us this deep attachment, that's why heart breaks are unbearable. The thought of not being with a person, the thought of missing the person, becomes difficult to live with.

There are some relationships, that come at a time when things are not running smooth in our live. Its in times like these we need that one person who we can rely on, whom we can share what we want, without fearing being judged. This is an emotional relationship that exists in everyone's life. Just a look into our eyes, they would understand what our soul is going through. We don't have to tell them anything, its understood. This kind of relationship happen only with few, not with everyone we meet.

There are some relationship, just the presence around gives us enough courage to take the next step in our lives. I remember an incident that happened way back..it was my first instance of descending stairs with the help of crutches. I had the three most beautiful loving people of my life standing besides me to take the plunge. I shared the love relation with all of them, but still I couldnt take the next step. The fear had struck me. It is then that I looked up and I could see that with one of them I not only had the love relationship, but also had feeling of being supported morally. I could simply trust and just take the plunge. These relationships rely more on positive vibes, a sense of courage and something that takes us forward in life.

There are some whom we meet, who makes us feel good, they just simply pass our time, just as if we are hanging out. An entertainment of sorts...they are just there for the moment, its like looking out of the window and watching the scene in front of us move by...it just passes. By the time we are able to understand or relate,  the scene has already shifted. But nevertheless they add something to our lives, even though for few minutes.

The crux of a relationship, lies in the purpose of being in a relationship. So when in relationship do we expect others to fulfill our purpose or do we give ourselves in a relationship. How many of us are really , genuinely interested in giving, or being there in a relationship. Or are we giving something with the intention of getting something back. Do our needs , constantly needs to be fulfilled by the other person. Is there any kind of selfless relationship that one can expect.

Relationships are meant to be respected, cared, loved ..so don't expect anything rather give what you might expect in a relationship

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The Paradox in love......

Love is wonderful, all encompassing,beautiful. There is nothing as beautiful as love. Love makes the world a happier place. The feeling of oneness with the other person that we are in love with is amazing, there are no limitations,no boundaries. It's pure and sacred, when it is so heart felt. Love is what we are , its just there in us. We are not taught how to love..it is there in itself. Yet there is a Paradox, that arises time and again, it is not just in the imaginary mind. It's an action that needs to be expressed. "I love You" the three most  beautiful words that we hear or say to someone, but is that enough. It's in the action that one means, what one feels. There needs to be some kind of communication of action registered. Then its love.

We may do things to gain approval in love.We may come to them with open hearts and open arms stretched to feel the oneness, but is it expressed with the same intensity from them. Most of us, are wanting to express and feel the tenderness in love.. It's this feeling, this tenderness, is it being valued, cared, respected when all we want is to give the love that is within us. What we feel deep within, is what we express, is the other person listening to what we have to say , the willingness to be there, willingness to take the next step along with us.

The dwelling of love is within, but who we try to seek the love with, depends on the person who is in space to receive love. If the other person is not in the space to receive , then how will he or she be able to reciprocate in the same intensity. We speak of unconditional love, and expect the other to love us unconditionally, but how do we know that. If we love someone with the intention to be loved, then that is not loving unconditional it is in fact conditional love.

In today's time , there is an undue advantage taken of innocent love just for unnecessary quest for vain glory. It's so much easy to preach, write, and sing love, but it's impossible to live it. Some of them have reduced love to fabricated words in cards, plastic flower, premeditated online chats , or simply giving gifts to get the love...etc....And in turn they have successfully manipulated the one gift that God gave to mankind- LOVE.

The irrational beliefs,take its toll on the relationship that is beautiful, beliefs like", "living and loving are two different things" etc....countless thoughts keep getting justified in the name of manipulating the very own beautiful gift of love . Inaction in the face of a challenge, leads to lot of pain and suffering. The quest of selfish demands, have managed to disregard the importance of true love in one's life.

The breakdowns of communication, the lost of trust, the strong disagreements, the day to day tensions. Inside we cry out for that wonderful love to be restored, but often we find it so hard to find words or the actions to fully express our desires. Our heartaches, we cry, get angry, withdraw, feel rejected, and it is at moment like this when we honestly share that our love is the most important thing and not an issue, that we begin to communicate. In this process,we have learnt more of giving self above our personal opinion. This is the union for true love, but who has the patience, very easily one gives up.

As Shakespeare said in one of his sonnet  - " Admit impediments. love is not love : Which alters when its alteration find, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever -fixed mark........"It is when we care for the other, a bit more than we care for ourselves. But in order to love that other, we must first love ourselves . If love is true, the answer appears and we'll find two can be one and be whole.

Love heals, Love hurts
Love starts, Love ends
Love provides, love takes
Love is when we put others before us.

I have known and experienced every one of the above paradoxes and probably could re-write this after experiencing them all over again.

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