The Unknown world.....

It was already 11am, they would be here any moment. I had got a call earlier this week that there is a special child who needs help. I didn't have much information about the child, though I did wonder which category the child would fit in. I needed to meet him first. 

Since my mobility is restricted to moving very little in the house with the crutches, wishing they wouldn't see me in this condition Sigh!...I heard the doorbell, and carefully opened the door. I saw him standing behind his mother.  . He seemed slightly excited, and looked eager to come inside. As I greeted both of them, he quickly came inside and sat across me and started fidgeting with his hands and slowly kept moving up and down the sofa . I knew the issue , but I wanted to know what the parent had to say. Its important to understand, what they feel being a parent to a special need child and what they are doing about it and how they are coping with this issue.

Little Mayank has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, which they got to know few years back. His behavior was very distinct, he was bouncing up and down the sofa, very excited , banging his head on the sofa at regular intervals and making loud noises. For a parent or teacher it's tough task to comprehend what goes inside the mind of a child, a child with autism. Its not easy to understand, but the child needs to make efforts to express what he or she feels. Its a lot of hard work put in by the parents , the therapist and the teachers and with their support the child gradually starts learning. These special kids have an amazing IQ's.

Sitting beside me was a concerned mother and who was feeling a little too overwhelmed by everything that she was dealing at present in her life. The first thought of a parent is how will the child cope up in this world. Would he able to survive, will someone will be able to take care of him/her. How would the child live life without them. All that matters to the parents is, the child be able to look after himself. And then Mayanks mother said " I have done what I could and am still doing. But I genuinely need someone to guide me, help me, take my child and get him connected to the emotions that he feels and which he is unable to communicate as there isnt any speech or words with which he can express...his training has been delayed ". The irony being, children with autism are unable to share their emotions, feeling and most of them have speech impairment..so how do they express themselves in words.  All I wanted to was to give this mother an assurance that all will be well one day, which I did.

Autism is the presence of a distinctive impairment in the nature and quality of social and communicative development. Their impairment distinguishes them from other neuro-developmental disorders as well. These children are distinct than children with mental retardation  their distinction lies in their impairment of social communicative development. These children are rarely like other children. They often want to be left alone to play on their own. They observe, imitate, approach and interact with their age mates less than their developing peers. They either engage themselves in one sided physical or scripted play or respond solely to adults.They are great at classification and categorization. For eg. if you hand them a random list of things having some similarities in their attribute, a child with autism can easily categorize then in one group.

By this time mayank had come and sat besides me, wanted to gain my approval in the first instance. These small gestures help them to convey what they want from us. But this a learnt behavior, they don't do it with every person they meet. Most of their behavior is learnt through reward pattern. They are made to do a certain task and then rewarded once the task is accomplished. I looked at him and decided I needed to start the sessions at the earliest. It was time for them to leave. As Mayank's  mom stood up, I saw  her eyes were moist and she told me " families are also made in heaven, what we get in life is so precious. People used to envy the way I brought up my kids. But with the birth of my third child (suffering with autism). The pride that I had, just went away. Am doing my best for my child, but somehow the reality dawned there isn't any prefect family.." .For a moment I was speechless.To see your own child going through the pain, its one of the painful realities of life for any parent. And I realized this has been the sole reason for why I got into helping kids with special needs.

This is  life...the karmic connection are there for us to sort in this life...and learn and endure what we can do about the present situation.On a good note...here are some of the people who have had autism or autism characteristics ...Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Beethovan, Mozart to name a few. If they could conquer their disorder, why not anyone with this disorder. 

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Online relationships!

In the age of social networking, we get to meet different types of people. We have a different kind of relationship with each and every person we meet online. Its fun getting to know everybody, with some the bonding happens instantly, and with some it just gets takes a little more time and with some it just come to a point of hi's and hello's. Its the kind of  friendship that develops into something so beautiful and indescribable. We end up making plans to meet up, and decide to have a great time together. And we know it in heart that it will follow suit. I have met few of my old friends and it was amazing to meet them again. It felt as if nothing had changed, the years passed by in one split second and all the memories came flashing by. The same smile, the same laughter. Even the dimples remained as it is(as if that was going to change). There is an urge to meet them as often as possible, hoping to catch up with their lives. 

For some the relationship gets more deeper than the friendship that was there earlier , as we share our personal journey and in turn get involved with their lives too. Its happening all the time, sometimes we just hit it up so well, that at times...we end up falling in love with the one we are chatting.Not with the intention of falling in love, but for some it ends up that way. Have seen the flutter of the heart and the person is already in heaven himself..and you just wish that hope there is an happy ending to this story which started online. The distance doesn't matter anymore, its all too simple and easy access, just an offline message and one is connected for life.

And for some who get angry, that we didn't keep in touch with them for such a long time when they kept calling us..reminding us that we needed to be in touch. And when we initiate the friendship again, they are not there anymore..still holding the grudge.

There are certain risks too, sometimes we end up sharing so many personal stuff, and its never intentional, but it just happens. And one wonders whether we did the appropriate thing of sharing. Since its done, it can't be changed, just hope that it doesn't backfires. But that's the learning experience for us, to be careful, who we share our lives with. There are some who act quite funny, who asks such questions that one wonders about their intentions in the first place. Maybe they themselves are not aware of what they are doing, some are lost in their world, for some its passing their time or just getting to know someone with some intentions in mind. For some it becomes an ego issue, to even say an Hi or hello!

And yes there are some who come into our lives and change our perspective in some way, they makes us look at our lives differently.They motivate us to do something concrete in our lives. They don't stop at that, they keep insisting that we go ahead in life and make the world a more better place. There are few, who come for guidance, of the hope that things will change for better. And yes life does change, the change is already in the process, it their willingness to wait is what counts in the end. 

Its a wonderful world out there, with wonderful people!

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The First Steps......

Its the same time of the year again, cute little ones taking their first steps in a preschool. Its so much fun to see these cuties at their first day of the school. All dressed up in their school uniform, new shoes, along with their little school bags, containing a set of clothes, a diaper, a tiffin and a water bottle. Tugged into their raincoats, looking around in delight, tightly holding their mummy's hand and walking along the road on the pavement. The raindrops falling on their hoods, making it more adventurous.........getting into the act of stomping their feets in the puddle formed on the road..to the dismay of their mummy dears. Who by the way, are also taking their first step along with her child too. For some the transition from the security of the home to the class room is easy and fun. And for some its apprehension...new place, new faces and more importantly leaving their mummy's. It does get slightly fearful for some, they are reluctant to leave their mom's.  Luckily this new transition worry, sticks around for a little while. The set up at these playschools is such that the moment the child enters, he/she feels comfortable. It's  like being in a park for them, where there are slides, see saws and other games that the child loves playing. It is this view at the first instance that catches the child's attention and eventually he/she swiftly gets down from their mothers arms and start playing. 

But the real moment is the one, when they have to actually let go of their mom's. As the door closes of the classroom and seeing themselves in the midst of the other children and the teacher, it dawns to them now they are on their own, without their parents. This is pretty daunting to every child, the thought of not having the security of their parents touch and love. Some of them start clinging to the mother or fathers leg for dear life, even refusing to look at the classroom, much less walk into it alone. And when one of the child in the classroom does cry, thats enough to trigger the entire bunch of these kids to cry in full galore..no stopping them. The Big Big tear drops, makes me sad, its painful to see the kids like this. But this aspect is a must for growing up, of letting go, of standing on their own, looking at the world through their own eyes and making the experience as vivid as possible, without the security of the home and the parents together. For some it takes a while to get adjusted to the new environment and for some it doesn't take much. But to make this transition a smooth one, is the responsibility of the  parents and the teachers as well. The environment in the house, the conversation that we have with the child, helps the child to get comfortable, to get adjusted to this new environment.  If you have any concerns, your child will immediately pick it up. So on the big day , keep a bright smile on your face and stay positive. This will give your child the needed assurance that going to preschool is something they can and should look forward to

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The Gift of Family time!

How does one enjoy family time? 

What quality time do we provide our family? 

Do we really take the time out?

And is Giving time enough?

Is having meals together only the family time left?

So many questions...and yes plenty of answers, justification etc....some valid, some just over the top and some just not enough. I see around, people do spend time together, family time. With the hectic lives that we lead , to spend time, to remove time becomes a task, but we still do. But is that enough, yes guess so..But most of the time it isn't. So what is that is missing....its the concern behind the thought, do we really understand what is going on in the minds of the people we care so much, we love so much. We are fairly good in understanding the people we care, but rarely do we want to know whats happening in their lives even when we stay under the same roof.

Many a times, I notice people having different dinner times. The elders have their dinners early and the youngster have it late or vice-versa...and all that they do is watch the TV together just before they go to sleep..So is this the family time, we talking about. Probably yes, if that's the only time available. They sit glued, sometime interacting and sometimes not a single word is said..just plain simple watching. And at times  the silence is stretched too long....what is it...this silence is suffocating at times or is it simply delaying or giving oneself time to express. And this happens everyday in their lives... It's ironic to see that the TV is the only thing that's binding the family together. 

Life is all about sharing our happiness, sorrow, the togetherness, when we are with our loved ones..and its not about simply spending time...but understanding the feelings behind the face, behind the gesture, behind the conversation, behind the disagreements. When someone shares, are we there to listen, are we there for them, in that moment. Agreements and disagreements are a part of our life. Sometimes in due course, we take the  family members for granted, we assume and expect things. And yes sometime we are justified too..in demanding things, in expecting them to follow or behave in a certain way. And what if one day they behave differently, how are we going to react. Are we going to lose our head, or are we going to take a step back and think for a moment, why did someone behave like this? what did happen. So are we there to listen to their whispers, to listen to their sighs, to their woes...or simply just listen to what they have to say.  Do we really know whats the favorite incident in their lives, what is the scariest moment they have lived, which is the story that inspired them, which is the thing that gets a smile on their face, have they ever felt low , has anyone been bothering them lately, what are the things that they like the most etc...... 

Its actually simple to be there, to give the quality time.,  but our busy lives, our disappointments, our disagreements, our prolonging grudges keep us away from the things that needs to be looked at it is to be felt within. Its easy to go off the track. It is in times like this, we have to catch ourselves...know that the time we do spent with our family , is actually a Gift!

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You can close your eyes ......

“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.” 

love just happens and how can one be prepared or know that this is the person we are going to fall in love with. It isn't objective or practical or logical...And yes we do eventually, and life takes a different turn. Its wonderful, beautiful...just the thought of being in love. There isn't any expectation but we wait for the reciprocation, with equal  passion that we feel for the person we are in love with. A lot many are lucky to have the love of their life with them, but for some there is a lot of turmoil . Some are trying their best to make things work and some just let go of the love, that's the only option left with them...

So how do we tell oneself or someone , to not feel or to let go. Its not easy to not feel the love for the person who isn't aware, who hasn't yet reciprocated, who doesn't care for your feelings. Knowing the fact , that it pointless to feel things. But yet we do feel it all the time...we cannot close our hearts to things that we do not want to feel...

So how does one decide, to not to feel the love, the pain, the hurt, the turmoil, the loss. I decided to let go a long time...I had no option but to let go...and I didn't have the courage to carry on when the other person didn't see a future together . It was one of the most painful decision, I had  to take. That was the only option left, either to stay being friends or let go of the person whom I love beyond anything in this world. I chose the later, cause that made sense to me, how do I make myself feel ok, by being friends with the person I love and nothing more. But the feeling is fresh as It was when I met, more deeper that what it was even then. A feeling so beautiful, the love that I feel just hangs there in my heart. 


When I rest my head on the pillow...the feelings, the moments come rushing back...and all  I do is simply witness it as if am seeing a slide show going on in my head....and there is no stop button...its simply keeps on rewinding and I  fall asleep. At times its painful. All I feel is the person in my heart.....the wonderful moments we had  together, the dreams we shared together..the things that we planned to do together., ...its still there as it is. Though there is a sense of reality that of how things are right now. Nothing has changed, just that my life took a U turn.....No one to blame, No regrets, still an ache...which doesn't seem to go away.....feels as if am in a bottom-less abyss!  

 Some connections are just special to let go, but we do and that's the best way to move on!

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